Am I happy ? Inspired by someone I know..

Am I happy ? Inspired by someone I know..
  Am I happy? , Its seems no matter what , I get this feeling.. Its doesn't matter if I just had the best talk with my wife , or best friends or watched my favorite Movies.. at times , I reflect on what my life means? Sure I have kids , that have grown up and I have many family and friends that have married and gone on with their lives. But the most troubling thing I realize is time ... Yes , time is running down,, Time to live, time to play time to be happy? Like what makes people happy, material wealth , friendships, relationship with God,, I mean we all yearn for the peace of mind , that happy monent that Will last forever! Many of us , are now entering the last phases of our life, Am, I right, We lived through Jr high , high school football , parties , dances , proms.. break ups , make ups,, career success, and now we look for what? Whats left the growing up of our kids , grand kids , and watching our relatives mature and live life.. Its special to see the ones you love to be happy, But like I said , it doesn't matter if I had a great talk or listened to my favorite music, its all the same.. I get lonely , I get sad, why? Maybe because ,, the one thing  want,, and its not there, The one thing I yearn for is not there.. Is it my fault , maybe I'm looking to hard , maybe I should just accept what's in front of me.. But it seems Im never satisfied , with myself , with others,, I cant explain how I feel because I have lived this way fro all my life.. I do know I like to have fun, I like to be playful,, and I like people to like me.. a lot of the times,, at the expense to those that care and love me.. Can I change ? Maybe, or maybe not,, I don't need to,, I mean, why should I,, ? I mean ,, If I'm happy and I'm not hurting others, but it seems.. my actions or no actions, seem to hurt the ones I love, and to them I'm sorry, I wish I could just shut off , that part of me that's yearns for attention and affection.. I have hurt for so many years and been lonely ,, I'm looking for happiness and for those that really want to be part of my life,, you have to deal with it,, if not ,, I'm sorry,, even if it hurts you and You hate that part of my personality, I'm not ready to change or atleast not yet. I know people , men or women may think I'm bad,, and to them I cant or want to change your minds,. I'm being me.. But you know something , I'm good with the way I live,, and I'm blessed with people that truly understand me,, and believe me I have had many people wonder , curse and even hate me for the way I act or live my life. Its a strange happening to be in my life, you have to be open and honest and even free spirited, and you cant judge me,, if you do,, then your doomed to be a part of my life.. My life is complex and its me.. and I understand the life is a journey , and we all have to make choices and decisions ,, some bad , some good,, and if your really love me,, you let me do my thing and don't ever question my feelings or desires for you.,. I'm not hard to figure, but I'm hard to please. I'm a high standard person that wants my relationships to be there,, Be here and be with me.. and enjoy the moment.. because why dwell on the past , or worry about the future. Live for today and be happy,, and Am I happy? ,, Is anyone truly happy. I feel everyone looks for happiness on a daily basis and if you can find that person, to fill that void , you are lucky and blessed , because it seems,, I look , and look, and all I see is the same old,, I want you , as a play thing , I want you .. to be my show off thing,,, But can anyone want me for being me,, Yes,, that fun loving , thoughtful, and honest person that lives to love,, and loves to live,, because true happiness comes from within,,, and not from other material or like wise forces.. Am I happy? I'm as happy as the next laugh , the next smile, the next song I sing or the next dance I do... Yes,, I'm happy , now Are you???
THE SOURCE PRODUCTIONS 2013