What would you do? Based on life events..

What would you do? based on life events.

   Hello everyone, I hope all is well in your life. Well tonight's blog is what would do? Ok.. Imagine you have been with some one forever , a lifetime, and then suddenly they leave you , first they curse you out , in person and with a voice mail, in a strange way you never saw. I mean when people get angry ,we say and do things that are hurtful. But if they way they say it is so bzarre, it just makes you wonder , working long hours or what , stress can make you act strange. Ok now imagine that same person accuses you of things that are far fetched and untrue,, I mean just because you go to a strip club doesn't mean you screwed those girls. We know in California , that's impossible in those clubs,, but guys no matter who you are, enjoy watching women strip ..I mean . we do Right. But anyways.. it doesn't mean you slept with them and besides that's prostitution and that's not allowed in California,,illegal .. Vegas,, yes,, But this is liberal state in California where you cant even drink a beer in front of strippers Go figure, ??but anyways this so called special someone accuses you of screwing girls, getting high on weed and getting drunk ..Now think about that if someone does that how can they get a security clearance job, stay employed and still raise his kid. Don't you think , if someone did those things,, neighbors, or the school officials would notice? Just a thought. I mean most men or women, would tolerate such accusations especially untrue or unfounded So what makes people jump t =conclusions, well from my own experience, its done by people that react before gathering any facts or evidence, but assuming things based on conjecture or bogus  evidence is ridiculous, just because someone goes to strip club doesn't mean he had sex with the strippers. Or just because someone has a hookah. doesn't mean they use to smoke weed, or just because has a few beer doesn't mean they are drunk all the time.. ? Am I right.. I mean what would you do if someone you love and care for says those things,? First of all that's disRESPECTful , and not a kind of person I would like to be with am I right. What would you do.. I know.. for me,,as I have grown up and life is fleeting , I want to be around happy people  I want to be around people that build you up and respect you.Someone that says these things are not on your side, instead they are a toxic person that needs to leave your universe. So why does anyone stay wit that person? One reason , kids, another reason is your a stubborn hard headed ego maniac that feels they can fix anyone or anything. Another reason, you don't want to fail at anything, marriage , relationships I mean no one wants to fail at marriage or love, its human nature, but when someone continues to belittle you and make you feel like shit. Why bother with that person right? I,m just saying what kind of person lets that happen to them? A insecure person that is scared to move on? A ego maniac that feels he or she can fix any issues in a relationship? A person that loves drama and pain? A person that wants things to work out regardless of the pain and misery he or she endures, A person that is a dreamer and even though the writing is on the wall, he or she cant pull the trigger so to speak, I mean .. If someone does that ,To me , thats grounds of leaving that relationship or marriage. If the person you love shows no remorse in what they say and your the one always trying to make it work.. The simple solution is to leave the relationship or marriage, am I right.. What would you do everyone? I say , no one deserves to be put int hat much misery in life. Its not healthy and it can make someone just go crazy,, I mean you hear the news people killing others over love or breakups. People getting even not mad with that person. I mean the human psyche can only take so much? Am I right.??. So what would do under this scenario.?? Yes, just leave, right? I mean even i the person is the best looking person ever, no one deserves such pain and misery , no matter what they did. We are supposed to be God's children and if you feel like a person is hurting you too much , you let them go.. So why does that person stay and why does that person place so much pain on someone? Its hate , its revenge, its evil? Whatever it is, I have to give props t that person to take it , year i and year out. That's takes strength and stamina,, but its also is very stupid, Wheres your dignity ? Wheres your self worth? I mean I 'm sure your kids are think why is he or she taking it ? Its just doesn't make sense to stay in a toxic relationship its not good for your mental or emotional health, so what would you do? Its simple right. But this person has taken it for years and continues because of love , because of memories, because of image , because of pride , because they are afraid? To be be alone , to be happy , to be free, I mean this seems like a alot of stress to deal with on a daily , weekly , monthly or yearly basis. But believe it or not this is a true event that is happening? So what you do.. Keep it together and try to make it happen even after years of nothing changing.. Or do you leave this scenario and learn to love oneself and be happy to be alive and Have God's power with you every day. It seems like a simple action to do.. But some people are dreamers , some people love drama or some people just believe in being loyal even though the person they love shits all over you.. What would you do? Because this person is a good person with a wonderful heart and enjoys making people happy. A pleaser,, But they fail to please themselves and that's what so sad about this true life scenario,, What would you do? Its seems simple , but this person is living in misery to please who? Everyone what would you do? It seems so simple but the person living it doesn't want to see it or simply is too afraid to see whats the truth. The saying , some people cant handle the truth, and in this case..Some people cant handle it but some people cant accept it.. What would you do? May God bless everyone and be true to yourself!
THE SOURCE PRODUCTIONS @2017

True love . based on life experiences..

True Love. Based on life experiences.

  True Loves conquers all. It beats patience , it defeats boredom, it out runs jealousy , it out hustles ego and pride. Love is something not tangible or measurable by scientific standards, but its emotional feeling everyone yearns for and wants. At times it weakens ,or even fades in time,at times it even causes you to hate , to be angered to be vengeful. That's why they say theres a fine line between love and hate , or a fine line between good and evil.. So whats tempts the good to be bad or the loving to hating, its called true love, even though your tempted and it seems the tempted beats you, in the end its the true love feelings you have . for that person. I know it doesn't make rational sense , but love like emotional feelings don't make sense.. Its all about having that passionate feel , that so many never feel and so many have. To me its better to have loved than to have never loved at all. For many one great love affair , is good enough or all you have , and others have loved many times only to be heart broken many times. In other words so of us are not afraid to love regardless of the consequence.Because we know love is spiritual its passionate and its a treasure many never find in their lives. But true love is something many of us feel we have found. To me, true love is when that person , even how many times they hurt you or demean you or down right break your heart, your still there, its more than just a song you dedicate , its more than sweet words on texts or voice mails.. Its more than exchanging friendly smiles or loving eyes. True love conquers all, the evil thoughts or the mean words we say to love ones Because we all know we often say and do things that hurt the ones we love very much. That's where the fine line pays out. When we love someone, we often want affirmation ,, we want assurances that even if we say and do awful things to the ones we love, they will stick around. Its only when you test , or stress the one you love is when you feel true love? Make sense of course not, How can you purposely hurt the one you love and adore , how can you say and do hurtful things to someone you love and adore. Its easy because we can and because we want to know if they are real , id they are sincere about their intentions, Its easy to be around people when things are going well. Everyone loves happiness and togetherness, but what happens when the storm comes, when the bad vibes appear and the insecurities lash out, Are you still there, fighting , are you still there , even though many people would have left. That's true love, when you handle the fears you have , when you handle the bad ships of life and relationships, you are showcasing true love. Because the only way to know true love is to understand true hate, to appreciate heaven you need to have been through hell in order to appreciate the good things. Makes sense? In other words, we take things for granted , we think the good times will last forever and we expect or demand that honey moon phase to continue and when it doesn't , some , or many seek out that feeling they lost, ? They are not seeking permanent change , but a temporary pleasure to get them back on track .Some may say that;s cheating , an emotional affair, or what? But its awakening to some, because by seeing how someone views or feels for you, you learn that you can be loving and caring without , defying your loyalty to your loved ones? Makes sense? of course not ,like I said , you have to be a emotional , spiritual person that believes in true love?So in other words true love is exposing yourself to life and people. Its how you handle that time in your life it how you go on n life. ? I know that regardless of how someone has treated me, I never give up. That's my issue its hard for me to give up. Because I like or love closure , and if you cant do it, then I wont give up on you. To be honest , .. I stay attached to people even if they mistreat me,or shorten my life with their stress or drama. True love might be special if the other person returns it.But true love by yourself is a self inflicted torture i would never wish on anyone. True love by yourself, is as painful as it sounds. Think about it , imagine you love someone and they don't return it, it like loving yourself and getting nothing in return, because self love is unfulfilled. We all need someone to love, with out it, it will kill your heart and soul in time and make you sorrowful and sad. I know i have seen many people that are living that life and its sad and patheticYou want to help them, but some times people just want to be left alone and thus suffer months and years , and letting life drift away. 
True love is blind to scientific methods, true loves tests people , true love is unconditional, true love can also be hurtful and scary because , it digs deep into someones heart and soul and for many we don't want to get to that level. Because of fear , because of insecurity , because looking at something that spiritual may be something they are not ready to see or learn. t each is own, we are destined to live our lives the way we want to live. We can listen to people and do what you feel , but at the end of the day.. Its up to you what true love is and how you deal with it. 
 True love is a feeling many yearn for and many misunderstand, true love is rare an sometimes it can be so rare that it can hurt so much too. True love is a unconditional feeling that truly lets people be free and open. When you can control your ego and pride and let true love grow, it is the most beautiful thing to feel. But if its not true love , the feelings the pain , at the misery can make you think , what the hell is going on. Because heartbreak, regardless if its true love or not. Its still hurts and it still places stress in someones heart and mind.. True love is feeling many seek and try to find , but its a rare find,. If you are in a true love affair, don't let it go.. Because true love is so rare, Life has many trials and tribulations and many have stumbled and quit, but the ones that fight and overcome their disaster or falls in life. Your seeking a true love scenario. If you love someone , don't be so possessive and demanding , but be free and open and unconditional about your love for them, meaning I love them even though they are hyper , or too flirty or has issues with money. I will help and guide them, which what true love does,? maybe true love is really rare and those who have been through it, its only our own experience . For those that don't believe or never  felt love .. i understand your stand or take on this theory. True love is endless and its wonderful, but like I said , it can be hurtful and tear jerking because of the feelings you have for that person..
True love is a rare find so when you have it , fight for it no matter what, because its a feeling many dream about!! I'm a dreamer until the day I die, a hopeless romantic,, a foolish heart ? Its what I am and I embrace it and live it!!
THE SOURCE PRODUCTIONS @2017..

THE SOURCES TAKE ON 2017 LA CHARGERS DRAFT PICKS..

THE SOURCES TAKE ON 2017 LA CHARGERS DRAFT PICKS ..

Hello everyone its that time again to gear up for football talk ,, its been awhile since I have done a sports / football blog. so here we go..

The first round selection of Mike Williams was a pleasant surprise the talk was drafting a  quarterback  to replace the aging and very average play of Rivers, he threw so many picks last year because he had too. The weakest and worst line in the NFL. made rivers make horrible mistakes and because he has no running ability , many plays were wasted by him getting sacked or rivers simply dumping it to the ground, One of my pet peeves, and the reason , the Chargers need to select a new breed quarterback that can elude pass rush and run for first downs ala , Derek Carr , Alex Smith, the two quarterbacks that managed their teams to winning records last year and I predict will do it again,
   Ok,, Mike Williams is a tall physically demanding wide out ala Dez Bryant, he will also help gates and hunter get less attention and if Allen or Williams can stay healthy and productive will get less coverage because teams have to pay attention to a Vincent Jackson type receiver. Which should help Melvin Gordon , and company with the running game. Pass to take the lead, run to protect the lead late in the games.. A formula the Raiders will adopt now they have a unretired Beast Mode.. 
  Day 2, was just as impressive with offensives line help with the drafting of Forrst Lamp and Dan Freeney , the 2 best line men in the draft and the chargers upgraded that line which will suffer growing pains next year because they  are rookies , but at least have youth and enthusiasm to help Rivers have Little bit more time, But I see the running game being much improved and helping Rivers with play action and surprising defenses with a more balanced attack,, The Chargers were too predictable last year especially when they got behind and had to throw the ball, if you look back the games they did win, they had solid run games to go along with their passing attack,, 
 The selection of Desmond King Jim thorpe trophy winner will help the chargers with another slot corner or a safety in training to replace addae or lowery. Lowery is a wink link at safety and addae as good as he is with the run , lacks the closing speed to help heyward and verret on long passes. 
 Rayshawn Jenkins is a work in progress on defense , but he is faster than any of the linebackers on the team and Will help on passing downs, but his tackling could relegate him to passing downs early , which is ok for the Chargers new installed 4-3 defense. where having faster line backers is a must and the chargers are lacking. But its one great draft after 2 bad ones in my opinion.. 
  My overall grade is a A- grade , They fill their needs and got the best players available which should be a A grade, but now lets see of all these picks pan out. Like I said the Oline got better but with a New Head Coach , new players on the line and a New Defensive scheme and coach, expect alot of growing pains and inconsistent play , and being in the AFC BEST DIVISION,, and being anointed the second hardest schedule in the NFL, WITH tough games against the Cowboys , Giants , Redskins and Patriots , along with the Raiders , Chiefs and Broncos, it will be tough to improve on their 5-11 record last year. Too many new faces and new schemes to expect a instant turn around. Too many unknown variables like unproven and young line, a new defense under a new coach and a new head coach with unproven skills .. It will be exciting to watch but too many changes , not to include playing in a new venue, maybe a ingredient for another losing season. But changes were made and will take a season or two before we see actual growth, I know the Charger brass is pumping up this team , but after years of neglect and not having a sense of direction, One great draft cant or wont make a complete turn around. But Its nice to see the team pointing in the right direction , but the raiders , Chiefs and Broncos are still better talented and balanced and coached , while the chargers may have talent on paper, but as chargers fans we all know .. health , injuries and poor coaching has doomed this team and based on the moves the spanos family has made , I don't expect any dramatic changes on the season record. But theres hope , like the other 56 years prior, the Chargers will look good in the uniforms and make some great plays , but will that lead to a winning record or a playoff berth.? A 9-7 , or a 10-6 record might not be good enough with a very talented AFC conference with teams like The Steelers, Ravens , Bengals , Raiders , Cheifs , Broncos , Patriots, Bills, the chargers are a team looking in to get into the dance. It depends on being healthy and team chemistry and the Play of Rivers.. If they have to depend on Rivers to win games, don't expect it, But a balanced running attack.. with a suffocating defense might sneak in, but that's asking alot for a team that only won 9 games in 2 seasons and haven't made the playoffs in while.Just being a realist!! But right now all teams are hopeful until that first week and we will see what this team stands or fall?
WHAT DO YOU THINK? 
THE SOURCE PRODCUTIONS @2017

Happy Mothers day - A tribute to my Mama who passed away many years ago!!

Happy Mothers day to All the wonderful Mothers. I love you and miss you Mama!!

   Everyone that is  mother your are truly special and I honor and respect everyone one of you!! 

   I want to thank my beloved mama that gave me the best years of her life, Guiding me , teaching me, lecturing me, advising me,, whipping me , I needed it I was a spoil ed brat. and still am. She molded and guided me into a loving and caring person, Except when I lose my temper and get out of character. What do I mean, Well I'm a sensitive and proud and stubborn person kind alike my male and female twin . We both are very vain, and we both think we are gorgeous and irresistible, we think we are the bomb to men and women, In other words we think everyone loves us and everyone wants us. What a way to think huh? Well anyways,, When i was younger mama and grandma would teach me about treating a women, be kind , be generous, be open,, but I think they forgot to teach me how to to be a man, because that side I learned from a Americanized , curse laden, beer drinking , I don't give a flying hoot who I offend or who I hurt. I'm the center of the universe and your all just puppets to me. 
 Well having such extremes teaching me, has been a battle in life, its lIke Ones the angel and the other is the demon or devil,, its been constant and exhausting. But when My mama passed away,, That is or was the saddest day of my life, because my mentor, my guide, my twin soul, my best friend , perished and it was hard because I spent 30 days with her before leaving for japan for my early navy career. But soon after I got the news mama was gravely sick.. I was shocked because I just spent 30 days and she seemed healthy and strong or at least she showed it to me,, so.. I spoke to her while she was in hospital bed, I said I coming back to see you.. She said I'm ok. but I said I want to see you , we both cried and off I went I had a one day delay in my trip,, and it upset me.. Because when I arrived my family didn't want me to go to the hospital they wanted me to come home first, But I took a cab with my wife Mona and I asked for my mama. I should of know by the looks on their face , it was good news.. But wife knew, and i cried and demanded to see my mama. they sent a priest and my family came, my baby brother Jerry hugged me and we cried our eyes out, and to this day that moment I knew my life would be forever changed. During the funeral arrangements , I took charge , Even though I was the youngest , but I felt I was the closest to her and the one that knew her the best,, In other words I was the mama boy.. I also learned that I was going to be like my mom, spread love and joy to everyone I see and touch, no matter what. I know some men and women took it wrong as being a flirt or what , but that's how my mama was so full of love. Now on Mothers day, I pay tribute to my mama , that took out for lunches , and we played bingo at St Charles Church, and we picnicked at Luck Waller park in South San Diego.. We shared many great times, helping sell her foods at the south bay drive in theatre in IB.. talking walks and catching grunion at Coronado beach or Imperial beach. We shared a lifetime of memories.. with my mom. High school and College graduation , navy boot camp. those are cherished times. I will always remember those times , because that's how she would of wanted it. Not the times of me crying  my yes out at the viewings and funeral. I couldn't hold back or still cant hold back the tears rolling down my face when I think of how much she loved me, when I hurt myself , playing football, when she would cry and pray for me, while rubbing vapor rub or whatever to ease the pain. I wish she would take me to the Dr, but she was filipina , and they like curing their own family,,ha.. I didn't like that , but in hindsight I admired her for raising us and never hurting us emotionally ,, she always supported us even though she didn't understand why we wanted to d things? But she had unconditional love and support and I love her and miss her so much. When I pray I always look to hear and see if shes talking to me and many times I hear her saying , don't lose faith and never give up on anything or anyone ? Even the ones that shun you , disrespect you or hate you. I never understood those words until now. I realize we are all God's children, and shunning or denying other people your love or attention is cruel and un Godly, It makes God unhappy and I know I don't want to do that. But its hard with my ego and pride to lower myself and really humble myself to people who have ignored me or neglected or flat out act like I don't exist. It their way of coping I'm guessing , but to me, I want to live my life free and happy and be around people that love and respect me and also support those around me, A true friend supports and defend one another and helps you be a better person. They are real and tell it like it is, even if it hurts like hell. My mama was that way, she loved me , but when she had to, she let me know what was up,, Like why are you dating that girl. and how come you are always going out? Why do you look so tired ? How come you have so many girls in your life? etc.. It never ended, like Ma, I'm not courting all these girls, they are friend 's or what/ I think she never understood me on that part. ?But I did like bring my girls home, Mama didn't always approve,, but daddy did.. sometimes too much,, you know what I mean? Ha,one of my girls said your dad is perverted old man.. Hmm. ? really? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree? I hope not. ? well anyways, I want to say Mama I love you and I miss you so much and on this mothers day I will pay tribute to you by posting your picture and writing a heartfelt blog about you because you are the best lady I ever had a relationship with. The laughs , the jokes, the drinking and talking about life were always heartfelt and real, and I know God willing we will reunite and have a eternal life of joy and happiness , that we had with your brief but wonderful time on earth. I hope and pray to all the Mothers out there and those that have lost theirs. I want all of you to be happy and joyful and may all the blessings you desire come true!
THE SOURCE PRODUCTIONS @2017

Dear Mona....My wife ,My life...

Dear Mona , MY wife , MY life,,

   Well , my wife has been with me 24 years, that's amazing,, Anyone to be with me that long deserves a award or what. But she has been my rock , my advisor , my best friend , my critic. MY wife is a had working women who I admire her  alot. I know I get upset when she says things , but that's my elevated ego getting in the way, The past few years through trial and error I have lowered my ego and develop humility based on life experiences. Hardships and trial and tribulations humble you , pluse I pray to God and look for my Mamas grace to guide me, its not east to do the right thing because we human we prone to sin, to list to urges, but through it all your true love always stays in your heart and mind. Even though my wife may have said and id harmful things to me, I'm not free form doing the same thing, its funny how the closest and dearest ones in your life know how to hurt you. Because they were hurt by you and they want to repay you, Its not a good feeling when your love foes that, but we shouldn't judge them or get rid of them Instead we should pray and be with them because they are screaming fro your attention and love and now I realize I want to be the man my wife fell in lve with. From this day on, I'm gonna try to be there for you , to listen to guide to comfort, it all I can do from this day out is to be there for you and protect you. I know I have  a ego , pride and stubbornness interfere with fully loving you . I know I took you for granted and i don't blame you for hating me for that. Lessons learn ed i will never ever do that again, I will always pay attention to you and be that loving man you fell in love. I know at times I;m aloof and off in my own world. that's my fault, I should be focused on you and what you want in life. Its a tough road just to be alive , but don't give up I;m there for , I realize that its really hard to find someone you really love and trust and I pray and hope we can keep our love going because we have 2 wonderful boys that are so happy when we spend time together.. Its not easy to live , no doubt , but knowng that I'm there for you through thick and thin, is what I have to offer and I'm sorry for all the pains i did to you and I forgive you too, Because its what God says we must do. We must  live our lives to the fullest and reach the potentials and dreams we want. I want to support and I''m cheer you on because that's what husband and wife do. We can overcame any misunderstanding ,, because of the many years we tolerated each other. True friends that we first were don't give up on one another. And I'm proclaiming to the world that I will always be there for you and i will give you the full attention and love you deserve. I know I'm too friendly , flirty with people, but one things is for sure, I do Love you Mons, s much as I have tried to walk away or say I'm dome with you, I cant or wont do it, unless you say it to my face, and I know deep down inside you wont or cant say it,, We have a special bond and we have been through much to quit on each other , I might be a dreamer , but its the way I feel and believe, Mona.. We are a special because we have seen the good and bad and survived. We know that despite our errors , we know we still need each other and we have boys that love each other and want us to share a lifetime of memories like graduations, wedding s, kids, Its the whole plate we all want , Its the dream we want to live. and I feel we can still make it happen. Mona with all my heart , I will be there and stay with you no matter what. I have learn ed from so many friends these past few months and I will use that experience to show you that Mel is the man for you and we will make this marriage wonderful and special, Because we are meant to be. My best friends Jo and Amne and My new found friends Greg and Joanny believe that i Must fight for our love and take care of you from now on, Because its destiny and we cant or should mess with that. To you Mona my wife of 24 years, ON mothers day I will hig and kiss you and have a special day together because we  both deserve a nice break from stress and enjoy life. Ok Mons my love, Take Care and remember I want to be the man you first married,, I have been humbled and I'm ready for you to continue on with this wonderful journey,,ok babes.. I Love you..Mona. Always ..
THE SOURCE PRODUCTIONS @2017

FAREWELL LUNCH WITH MY DEAR CO WORKERS GREG, RICARDO, GUS, AND BILLY ..

FAREWELL LUNCH WITH MY DEAR CO WORKERS .GREG, RICARDO , GUS , BILLY ..

   I don't like good byes , but I thought it would be nice to say good bye to the guys, at the first break , Sammy, Jaime , Luis and Kai. and Art. It was funny running from across the street and greeting Ricardo and Greg. These guys the past 3 months have been my heart and soul.. I mean Greg, is me years ago,, and Ricardo is my pinoy side.. now.. It was to talk.. about nothing. that's what we do , just talk and laugh about silly things,, Its what buddies d to relieve stress and believe me I have been through alot of it,, of work and at work.. The past few months I have been through alot The rumors, the perceptions, the reality of the situation, I was like in tail spin about the work place, I mean I thought at one time my position at work was a sure thing,, But I should of know based on life, that nothing is a sure thing and being humble is important, Not just say t by practise it. . I had such a whirlwind time there I mean I thought I had true friends there , but in the end. My motto,, 
   Be true to those that are true to you,, I mean,,  I thought that one friend I spent time with over the last few months would be my friend for life. Why ? because we shared so many things in common,, I mean we ha may great talks or at least I thought I did maybe its was me doing all the talking and the other person was just listening and Reading.. I mean , My fault for opening my heart and soul  it was a big risk, But that's what I am. I'm a big risk taker,, I have been hurt many times by lovers and friends, Like My best friend JO ,,, he said I'm too eager to please people and too eager to trust,,Protect your heart . But like bull running through the streets I was full throttle ahead and once again, hurt and disappointed by the outcome,, But enough of that.. ..
  Now to my dear co workers who I truly believe are my friends for life.. My dear Friend Ricardo, Man what can I say about you, you fought so hard for me and I respect you for that, you advise me on what to do , but because I was so insecure and fearful. I didn't follow through and because of it , I guess it will haunt me forever. But then again,, Maybe it was meant to be, you know what I mean, Yea, we spent times texting and talking to each other before e, after work , and at breaks, man he really cared about me. Why.? He said I could see that kind heart and spirit your rarely see in people in life, But because I was so open and transparent,, Its seems I always get burned,, and it happened again. But like all the disappointments I have had in life. I pick up my head and move on I have too, But I must admit , the stress the whole month drained me and he kept me happy and focused,, Same with Gus,, this guy really pays attention when he speaks to you and he listens to what you have to say, I didn't have alot of talks but each one I ad was special, like today sharing about his family member in serous health issues,, I know the feeling,, I lost My grandma , my mom, my mother in law, within years of each other and each of them affected me, Because I loved them so much, they molded me ,, when I was younger,, that why I had feminine qualities,, But I'm not ashamed, its what makes me a special person that people love, well alot of people who appreciate what I do.. Yea,, IT was a great lunch I mean I only knew Billy as short while but we clicked because of the similar back grounds and just living life.. Its too bad the younger cats in the warehouse and office ,, could of understood the pain and misery I went through ,, But they think they way they think because they walked different paths, and I doubt they could walk the same path I did . I mean the racism in my younger days before the navy and in the navy, the deaths I seen, the burials at sea, the tears for family members, the hundreds of flag draped coffins , it was like a living  hell to see so may shipmates die, kill themselves or try to, or what, Its a deal I would not wish on anyone, But,, life went on and though I know I'm ok , It still hurts when certain songs come on or what just reminds me of shipmates or marines I knew in my navy times,like i said it was a lonely and scary life to live,, But I did.. 
    Last but not least my male twin Greg, I have wrote so many great things abut him in so many blogs, So your probably thinking how can you have so much love and respect for someone in only 3 months,, Like I said we clicked from day 1. we joked and laughed like were brothers . Which I believe we are. I mean we like the same songs, the same movies, have the same twisted humor and love attention, We both take pride in looking good... We enjoy making each other laugh and others at work, Because we know life is hard, and we make the point to make people laugh well most of the time, Its funny , but I realize some people aren't just happy no matter what you do, and people are jealous and envious of you ,, So if anything stay humble because not everyone is on your side, It took me life time to realize that , but better late than never. But I now know that to really have true friends that you connect with is really rare and people that are authentic and real are rare. To really have true friends is rare so when I can call Greg, Ricardo , Jo , Colin , Tony ,Joanny as true friends that's a true treasure, Because I have heard that we will be friends forever and despite my mistakes or foolish words, I find out some people are bull shitters or maybe they are just afraid to be around people that really know them, I mean its scary to be around people that will call you out an Say don't do that ot stop being that way. But that's what true friends do. They keep you grounded , they kep it real and don't try to say what you want to hear. Instead they beg tou to stop or ask you to wake up and advise  you to do whats right. Believe me I know I'm not a east friend to be with. MY moods, my attitude and my unpredictability can make anyone say that's enough. But I feel I have grown up and my dear friends that I mentioned are guiding me to be a better man. And for those that have given up or about to, I must say that I understand , and I realize some people are like tumble weeds, they come  into your life for awhile and then go away and others stay forever  LIKE my BESTIE joe, it has seen and felt the best and worst of times and is still there. He is truly a gift from God and I'm Thankful. and to my 2 new found friends Greg and Ricardo.. I love you guys , you made work fun and bearable. I wish you both the best of luck in career and life and I know we friends for life. We just have the chemistry and connection from the get go,, 
The luncheon taught me that good Friends take time out to be with and support and and don't judge you or make fun you and accept you.I;m thankful for wonderful people in my life and I Thank God for watching over as well as my dearly departed mama who I miss very much , All of these people are my treasures in life and to the friends I have lost through death , suicide, or just walking away. I pray for you and May God be with you as you go  through this journey we call life. We never who stays and go's in our life , but one thing is for sure I cherish the moments and lessons learned because every person that touches our lives do make an impression and its up to us to value their time with us. May all of yo find true treasures in your life and be kind to one another and understand that some people are just there for a moment and everyone has their own journey and agenda to follow.. 
Once again Thank you Ricardo , Gus , and Billy for spending time at lunch and I wish you all well and to my Brother form another Mother, you know how we feel about each other , respect , honor and care and love that most people would love to share but don't have, I know whatever our paths in life we will always have a bind for the times we had and the experiences we shared , because like I have said, its rare to find people that really click with you and I thank God the people in my life are making my life enjoyable,.. 
THE SOURCE PRODUCTIONS @2017

Self - Revelation - based on life experiences..

Self - Revelation - Based on Life Experiences..

    Well Hello everyone , Life is a struggle no doubt ,but we must go on, and I want to thank all my Source fans some 500+locally  and the many thousands around the world..  , and the many around the world. As of today   I have over 35,000 views and readers from all around the world. It has been a long road from the beginnings of the The Source , at first a angry in your face blog about anything and everything , to now a more critical and analytical view on life and its trials and tribulations. \
  On thing is clear , I learn ed alot about myself lately or the past few months, I realized that true happiness comes from within and what your doing. You must do things because you want TO and  not allow others or anyone to dictate your happiness. Its a tough thing ti do that is take a critical look of oneself, ? But I found out that I have a over inflated ego? Which means that you cant change people's minds about anything by writing , by talking , by singing by acting by anything, You just have to be yourself, and you cant be too sensitive about things, I mean everyone does dumb stuff right > Or say the wrong things, But if a person has your back , you should have theirs, but being older like I am.. I need to work on that. I mean when I was younger like teenage days, I would get upset when people mistreated me, or even told me truth,, I mean, the truth hurts when I blog or say something , so why should i be so judgemental on people. Lesson learned , I need to chill out and let people be what they are ? I mean now that i'm older like over a half century old, I have no time for games or what? I mean life i so fast guys,, I mean I retired in 2012 and it still feels like it was last year or what. I'm still struggling with the transition and still struggling in finding a work place I can settle down and be productive. But like anything else , you get up shut up and live on. We have too , God has not out us here for anything else or less. During these past few months I learned how to be happy and be appreciative of people, I was in a long funk , depressed and out of it before Meeting my dear friends at work that helped me mature and grow up they all showed me that I'm special and loved , and that I have alot to offer to people and the world. I'm not upset anymore abut anything, I went to my Mama;'s grave site and I prayed and asked about what to do .She said or I felt her  thoughts in my mind that said " Be true to those that are true to you and love your family and dear friends.." Simple enough advice , but everytime I go there and I pray I feel my mind relaxes and those negative thoughts and ideas seem to fade away. But today really felt different because I'm calm right now and I feel good about myself, something I haven't felt in a long time. I know that God is with me just like the rest of us that believe or not believe in him.. In life your always going to have troubles that happen , like deaths to classmates or family. Heart breaks in career or relationships, or just struggling wiht the daily grinds of life. Life is not easy , but when you decide to be happy and don't let negative vibes bother you,,then life looks so much better. I know the people that pumped me up over the Months I wil always Cherish those times and I will never forget you. I know I have alot of work to do regarding dealing with people.but I know God and my family and dear friends will guide me and keep me focused. Its a great feeling knowing the people I meet or have meet will always feel special because  I Made them feel that way. Am I right? Its like the old saying your as happy as you want to be,, I decided today that ..  I will treat each day as a lifetime , because it is, we all never know when its over and we have to be happy and don't judge others so much..If you get hurt ,, absorb it and let it go,, because it doesn't do anyone good to keep sadness or anger in you, it eats you up and tires you out. I know I have had the feeling for months.. until I met the wonderful people at work. Thank you Greg , and Ricardo ,, and B,, you know who you are. They have been the best of the best and kept me going when at times I wanted to quit. But they kept me focused and positive , like My blood type, B positive.. like my twin, ,,oh well like I said , When you enjoy life and don't harbor bad thoughts , life and your mind feels better. I know I use writing to talk out things about sports , daily events and what but a blog about myself, and my inner self is something I know all of you enjoy too. I mean life is a journey and we all have to face obstacles and trials and its how we handle it and how we move on that makes us stronger and smarter. To open up to the world that I need to grow up a bit and learn how to control my ego  and pride and think about whats important in my life,, Like Wife , boys family , friends my health , God's love. Its all there for me to appreciate and love Because life and love is fleeting , you should never take those things for granted and be happy every day,Because God loves us all and he know when and how to bring the right people in your life or back into your life. I have faith and trust in him and I know now from this day on.. to be appreciative of everything and Never take anything or anyone for granted, ? Life is too short my friends,, If you feel like calling someone do it, of you feel like texting someone , then do it.. 

My lesson learned is this, Be happy with what you do and if your not , then go out and do things that make you happy. I have met and developed great friendships with people and though I may have stumbled , and I need time and space to heal wounds, I know The friends I have found , are there forever and rooting for me, but most of all I need to love myself and root for myself,,, so I can share my love and affection with those that want it. I also know that I need to be careful about saying things or doing things for attention, At times those words or phrases can hurt people and to those that I have hurt lately. I'm sorry and I meant no real harm. Its just my in mature side,, which needs lecture , which needs tutoring , and self reflection..  I know its gonna be a lifetime journey of learning , but at least I realize i need to work on my inflated ego , and my attention seeking vibe so I can be the man , the father , the person that is productive and caring and setting the right examples for his family friends. IN other words, be a good man that I know I am. It took meeting people and finding out about my weaknesses and faults to help me grow up. Growing pains at my age, But everyone of us, has alot to learn about ourselves and it starts by self revelation ,self reflection and self discovery. For me ,it took a new friendship with cool similarities and traits that mirrored one another and often scared one another to see whats the real deal. Its scary to see how you really are under stress or under duress. Its the ones that over come those obstacles and learn from them , that has helped me grow as a person and man. I cherish those times wit my friends at work that helped me deal with disappointments, rumors, pressure and perception from people. I know now I cant please everyone " Pleaser" , you just have to be yourself, try your best and let your friends be who they are and let them reach their potential.. Its hard because we all are selfish and want our Friends to stay with us? But we all have our own path and roads to follow and to hinder or stop any ones growth , is not a true friend,, I found out that because I think a certain way, doesn't mean my thoughts are correct. Sometimes you need to step back and take a hard look at what you did or said and see if that action was real or not. Make sense? In other words slow down ,smell the roses and take a look around , keep your eyes open and don't get set in your ways. Because what seems to be the truth ,, at times is only a partial truth and what seems to be fake or phony , is really very true and beautiful.. I found out about how to love and how to be loved. I learned how to treat people right and how not to. I know we are only human and we say and do things out of anger , but jumping to conclusions and making assumptions about what people might be thinking is not only stupid but not healthy. I learned that hard way that if you have issues with someone , you talk it out and if they need space and time ,give it to them. But above all you need to give everyone respect and honor and unconditional love, if they are labeled a friend, Its easy to say or write it out, but actions do speak louder than words, and I learned about that the pas few months. I will talk to people if I have issues, I will resolve any conflicts then and there and most of all I will not come to quick assumptions without valid proof or what. Because all of those actions leads to anger , frustration and hatred , and believe me its not a good feeling to be that way.. So 
Be good to everyone and help one another, I learned when I smile and help people I see happiness in peoples eyes, and that's the greatest feeling you can pass on to people, that is happiness and fun. I had had enough months dwelling in misery or feeling sorry about myself, I'm gonna be happy and share with those that love me.. My family , my friends and most of all myself, Love yourself and spread it around , many doors open when you smile and share your happiness.
HAVE A GREAT DAY AND OR NIGHT.
THE SOURCE PRODUCTIONS @2017

How to attract men.. Based on life experiences..

How to attract men.. Based on life experiences..
  
  Ok , since I'm a man, this sounds weird but what I'm going to share with you , is what I have see women in my life have done to attract me..

   Women are attracted to manly men, men that have that chiseled look , right? While men are easily attracted by looks and behavior,, If a women looks hot she must be hot,, Personality , emotional whatever..
  Men are hunters and they are looking for women with healthy butts and curves in the right places, and of course breasts, But these day alot of women are getting implants, so men tend to look at curves in the right places and healthy butts.. Because those features take working out to get.. Get me>? But there are a small amount of men with less tester one , and less manly? Who are ok with a women thqt is less feminine and more decisive and controlling, that's where a man has more feminine qualities and wants a women to take charge of the relationship , which in many cases women don't want to do that? But there are guys like that? 
  The cute girls brings out the protective manly side of men , the ones that want to protect and conquer , almost I'm your daddy syndrome. When a cute girl shows her vulnerable side, Many men cant help be the protector the aggressor..Its the hunter in them that gets revealed...
 But to a feminist , acting cute and vulnerable is a sign of weakness and those women will not show their female side to men, thus the conflict..

 Here's the hook women use successfully to attract a mans attention..
1)Dress is softer tones of color , like pastels or earthy colors it makes you look healthier and make you appear attractive to men.. 
2)Smile often, nothing spells sexiness or appeal then a smile,,It automatically makes you feel friendly and warm.. and Men are suckers to that. Its their ego your touching and once you did that , everything falls into place.. 
3)Let your hair down, and run your hand through your hair, Its a instant come on and just projects your sex appeal..Its something about long hair a women waving it or whipping it around,, Just looks and feels sexy, and men are visual creatures, anything that looks good and sexy, they are  prone to it , unless they are Gay , heart broken, or dead.. haha.. 
4)The head down , blushing or smiling at them will also catch their attention.. Men like being fLirted with and its a turn on when women do these things. >> I know it sounds so simple and high schoolish but men are like over aggressive teenagers that want to please, they like seeing sexy things , thats why porn is a multi billion business. Men enjoy having pleasure , especially visual wise. It makes them feel manly and wanted. When a man feels wanted , then the women has their way with men. Some men are harder to attract because they know these signs and know their status , so the dont be attracted to these women that have these traits down.. For men that are a harder attraction .

 They prefer women that less attainable , feminine but knows how to exude cinfience and power, these women are head strong and not flirty, They want the man to pursue them and enjoy the games they play. On the other hand a man who likes to play games , will engage and play along. The other men who are less patient and more stable in their personality , will back off  thus causing a friction with alot of women. Women in general. if you want to attract a man. having that sexiness , that flirtiness and that vulnerability , you Will get the protective man, While the other man wants a more dominating, controlling women in their life.  You have to observe a mans personality,, If hes dresses manly and looks manly , he a alpha male with testerone ready for action. But if the man is a pretty boy or likes looking cute,, Then he has less testerone and more likely want a controlling and dominating women, For the other men. They want a balanced women that is both smart witty , and cute , but has the courage to tell a man, this is what I want , and if you do it,, we are good, if not, well,, you know whats up. You have to please a women , because if you don't ..the nest guy or man will..and there is plenty of men and women out there ready to play.. 

Bottomline ;You don't have to play dumb or weak to attract , if anything showcase your sexiness and be confident with men, that's a turn on. Because men do enjoy a challenge and do enjoy showing off their manliness, when a man feels you were worth the chase, they will hold you in higher regard and that's how it should be. Don't make it easy for us men, Because if anything ,, we men like to feel like we accomplished something when hooking up with a girl,, If you make it easy they will lose respect and you might be a one night stand. That alot of men may enjoy but not relationship material,. 

Well I hope this helps women or men,, on how to attract men. May you find your own journeys and lessons in life, Because life is a journey and life flies by so fast. I know. I;m past the century mark and counting. and based on the first part of my life. I'm looking forward to many high and low's and joy and pains that come with life, No one is immune to pain and suffering. Treat each day as a lifetime , because you never know when you life is over. Be good to one another and love each other ! We are God's children...

THE SOURCE PRODUCTIONS @2017

How to attract women . Based on life experiences..

How to attract women.. Based on life experiences..

 First of all you have to comfortable with your self .What do I mean well you have to dress well , be comfortable in your clothes . How is that done, well you have to be fit and trim.. you have to be well kept with your hair and you have to be pleasant to look at. Not hard right? 

Next smile,, it opens the doors to everything, believe, who wants to see a grouchy face or moody one, it calms people and makes them approachability to you, I use it when I go to coffee shops panera bread in fact I received fee coffee and bagels simply by smiling often and making them feel good,,

Which is the next step.. Compliment girls, nothing you can do more than say great things, i mean it must be true,, like I like what you did with your hair, or makeup , I like what your wearing etc.. A girl with vanity or lack of one,will eat it up,,

women are emotional they want to feel you, what do I mean they want to see if your sensitive , or you have thoughtful ideas and phrases, Its all emotional with women, if you can capture their emotion's and heart you own them.. and vice versa if they do that to you, But creating that emotional connection is half the bottle so create it , save it and do it,,

Next is touch them often, on the arm, on the shoulder , hands, the more the better , its showing them your are attracted and you like their touch,, touching just creates a emotional response , so do it often and keep the emotions flowing .. They feel you , they feel you ,compliment them, create that emotional energy,, its over they belong to you,, Just keep it going..

Slow it down huh? Your speech you speak lower and slower and look into their eyes,, its the hook they want. and always remember , always have something to say, they like to listen..and they like to see a confident person talk, it can be about nothing , but be passionate and  vocal about it , because they like men that are passionate about what they love or like to do.. Be enthusiastic about your life and hers. Ask questions, if they have a different language learn a few phrases, that will tweak their interest into, well this guy took the time to research how to say phrases,, he is into me.. !!

Your shoes have to be clean and fits your wardrobe, and you hair needs to be fashionable and well kept.. as for coloring,, not too much,, because women are more into seeing well kept hair then seeing different shades of gray or brown.. 

when you approach them always smile , start small , . then gradually increase the closer you get, even smirks or cute eye contact, makes them flutter with excitement. They like looking into a mans eyes , and especially if you smile at them and speak slowly,, its amazing ow this works,, Try it,, 

Always come in with energy , a flair and project your voice, dont mumble or whisper , talk slow but direct and make your point.Don't stutter and don't be unconfident. Women wants a man that has confidence and pride,, and Little cockiness , but they also enjoy a man that shows vulnerable traits as long its not done too much. Be energized and be confident,, Girls will be attracted..

Always have something to say and have fun with the, flirty eyes, smile , a laugh to get their attention,, its all works, I know I have seen it action,, Its a proven thing. Use al of these advices and tips and you will be able to attract all kinds of women , young , old, divorced , engaged confused,, etc. Its a proven system that has worked for me over the years for job interviews , for business meetings , for anything, Women like when they feel special , when they feel attraction to or attention to, Because its a lost art. So go out there, Smile , compliment them , touch their arms or hands, look into their eyes, always smile , small to large, talk slower and have things to say to them.. Come with energy and be playful and fun.. Be neat in appearance and be approachable, be strong and confident, and you will have no issues with women, You will attract a women that is strong minded , knows what she wants and has the desire to go after what she wants. 

Last but no least if anything works , keep doing ,what do I mean , if joking alot , or making nice compliments then do it, one thing though don't be a phony, be real and authentic, say things you mean and it sounds sincere. It may take time to master these skills but once you do, speaking , picking up on women will be a easy task. They sound simple , and they are , and women like I said are emotional you have to tap into that emotional vibe, and use it to your advanatage.by using that emotional vibe, you can attract her and win her heart, because women want to be romanced, they want to courted, they want to feel wanted. When they feel that attraction, everything else will fall into place and you will have a=women flirting and wanting to talk to you and hear what you have to say.Its the art of flirting that many people have forgotten how to do because they are caught up with all the social media deals,, 

Now you young bloods , or old bloods , go out and have some fun. but remember be comfortable , smile and have things to say and talk slow and smile always. If anything you will get a positive response if you do those things to girls, Because like I said they are emotional and they want to feel that love.. form your heart , your eyes, your touch. Its just the laws of love,, if you want love you have to throw it out there sometimes and let the chips fall .. let love work its wonders.. 

Until next time,, Have a great day and go out there and enjoy the tips  i just gave you..

THE SOURCE PRODUCTIONS @2017

Farewell to Moreno Valley Warehouse.. Inspired by my dear friends ?...

Farewell to Moreno Valley warehouse . Inspired by my dear friends..?
  
   Once upon a time on Jan 27, 2017 I was hired as a temporary worker , This place is a highly security facility , where customs border patrol agents check and sign the seizures that are confiscated. That first day I met Roger a retired master Chief and someone I respect very much, its funny he gave me a full tour of the place  before the morning meeting. It just felt like home.. It really did,, and then I met Greg.. man, this guy is something else,, Even though he's alot younger than me , I respect him alot and to be honest that's a great honor because I don't respect too many people younger than me.Perhaps because of military experience or maybe because I'm a arrogant hard headed retired jerk.. ? Well it comes with the territory.. But anyways the first time I met him and kai, it was an instant attraction, not to sound gay,, But we just clicked,, Man .. we fools used to do tail gating in the parking lot,Whats that? Well its taking out our picnic chairs,.. and putting sun tan lotion on and sitting and talking about nothing. of course listening to country music... I'm not really into it, but like the Navy days,, I pretended.. hm.. I pretended alot in the navy.. It was fun times, we would see our other co workers like Brian.. hah he would look at us , Ike they are crazy ass vets.. I guess you have to be a retard to spend any amount of time in the armed forces,, Its not for everyone,, because it takes alot of dedication to be in an outfit that drains you.. physically emotionally. ok back to the blog.. yea watching gus and ricardo smile at us,, especially looking at roger he taught we were crazy,, oh that one day when Tracy went up to us., we all thought she was going to tell us to stop this ridiculous looking event. But instead she smiled and asked about my picnic rug.. She thought we were praying? Oh well,, then there was the other temps like Eddie spaghetti , quiet cool dude,, and Russell too , it was like one big party,, then there was B... she would stretch in front of us.. to be honest i was little uncomfortable seeing her do that? why. because I notice the other guys staring at her body,, .. but hey , I was too,, so no big deal,, but those were the good days when we got along.... It was cool place to work,, especially when Ivette had her farewell , it was really nice I created a slam book where I described everyone in the warehouse / office I told her not to share it , but she did ,, no hard feelings .. I remember Ricardo coming up to me and saying thanks .. and tried hugging me and I ran way saying I may act gay but I'm not,, I know it was cute ,, anyways? BUT THE HUGS AND KISSES I received from Ivette , man she hugged me tight and many times, in fact she would let go of me,, I didn't mind? Yea .. I'm a man for god' sake ,, hehe, But anyways,, It was nice how britney prepared a great meal,, Girl you can cook, I enjoyed it very much and your very pretty when you put on your pretty face, I think that one day I saw you in a football jersey and you put on that pretty face and I said you look good, I'm not playing you are pretty hot looking girl.. You had me paying afternoon .like I said . I'm a man for God;s sake,, Keep it up.. I really enjoyed the times you bitched about the fridge, I don't mean to laugh, but you can look so serious about that. I mean I feel ya, No one wants stinky food in there , i think I left some old thai food in there please take it out ,, sorry,, I forgot about it. !!
But anyways , Britney I'm gonna miss your quiet and strong demeanor , I wish I could be more like you, maybe in some ways I am.. but I got stereotyped in being the happy guy,, even though deep down inside , I was depressed? Yes.. its funny all of you guys thought he's happy go lucky , but only if you knew my pain,.. Greg , Ricardo and B.... were the few that heard my stories , heard about the heartbreaks , the misery I have been going through, they saw the tears and they all tried to comfort me.maybe I'm not a good friend depending on them to comfort me..Yea,, those 3 spoiled my ass. haha.. But I love them all , or at least I think I do? I mean you don't open to people unless you feel respect and love for them.. Even when they may have said or done bad things to me.. too sensitive,, I was but think we all are too some extent.. I know I'm way too sensitive and way too prideful for my own good. I always think , people need to bow to me. yup I think I'm so perfect, yeah right . My pride has lost many friendships,, I hope greg and ricardo don't lose touch with me because I love those two, they laughed at my dum jokes and weird impressions,, I wanted work to be like a fantasy land.. Because that's what I did .. Now for B.. what can I say,, every time I hurt or was insecure about things, this person stepped up big time. ! And now I realize I blew a good thing , by being too prideful , by being too attentive grabbing and being too dramatic,, I now know that you shouldn't do that to a friend that took time to make me smile , to make me special , to make me feel appreciated. It was real, it was wonderful, but my insecurity , my lack of patience and lack of maturity is why our friendship dissolved and died. ?! We let too many things go un said that finally it just exploded ,, or at least I let it explode,,but one thing is for sure , Thanks for the many hugs , and notes and of course cute smiles and flirty eye contact,, It was something everyone at work noticed and felt. I mean  as hard we try to hide it , just look at our eyes. the love , the admiration and the respect was there.. I know you never disrespected me, its just my mind assuming things,, I should of asked you if something was wrong , or let you know certain things were bothering me? My fault, lessons learned for the future ? But anyways . I want to Thank Roger...For mentoring me and just being him, sharing Navy stories,, and gun stories I will always cherish,, we lived and stood the watch in the navy we had common ground and a bond that is unbreakable, I wish you well you deserve it Master Chief ,I respect you and I will miss you very much.. 
  James-- man your a kind soul, a really laid back dude. I dug your vibe, To be honest I wish I could be laid back like you, But I'm too hyper.. But I loved you and Danny Boy,, reading the dear abby stories,, it was a daily ritual you did very well. I will miss you guys so much. I mean.. Its hard to duplicate things like that , but you two did make me feel special,,, The stories and the music knowledge Danny had was amazing. I will always Cherish those times, because its hard to find a place where you feel ..good,, It felt like home and whenever you leave something that was special its gonna hurt  and believe me , I felt the love from you guys, Even if was only a few months I felt like I found a place I could finally stay and enjoy my life,, But like anything else in my life it seems nothing last forever, but it did feel like heaven,. I love you guys and always remember me in the good light , not the angry and upset one that left in frustration and confusion. It hurts me to write this , but like anything life, it seems the fondest things in life are hard to keep. Like the love i tried to spread to the office. I  never tried to hurt anyone.But then again not everyone likes the Pleaser..
Carmen - Home girl. I really enjoyed singing the old school tunes,, Boys to men , New Edition, Switch.. and our talks about the old days,, remember ,, the garage parties, the pop lock ,, dances and the days when we used to talk to one another . not like now everyone is texting , or face booking or snap chatting, its a crazy world,, who are we? haha,, well I'm gonna miss your stylish dress up and how I would tease you about your clothes or hair, and its funny how we both colored our hair at the end.. I mean,, I know we both were very misunderstood people, but i think you knew better than alot of people in the office,, why? Because we grew up under tough times but we knew how to handle it, because we have the gift of gab, or just being real..I'm gonna miss you  home girl.. I know you were misunderstood, but your kind of like me, we both feel things and we don't like to hide our emotions, but its funny how people think we always have to smile,, I know .. you should be professional, true , but when your passionate and emotional and sensitive, we get labeled,, but like you said to me many times,, FHuuyckyy%%^ them.. haha, your so peotic home slice,, Keep you head up and your dreams alive and if anything just think about mele mel and his silly looks or jokes and songs and dances,, If that doesn't make you laugh,, then just think about my silly ass arrogant upper lipped accent,, that would crack you up,, haha. 
  Tracy - What can I say , your a very good stickler to the rules and you have a great sense of how to run a warehouse and office. Once again I think misunderstood you , but I know how it is to be in charge in the Navy I had to assume a Officers positron because they was not around at the time, So I understand about having things being run properly ,checking data and ensuring safety and other concerns, plus the detail of handling work related issues,sexual harassment , hostile environment , complaints, mistakes , lost items, its a headache that always exist, Its a tough job to do but I can see you have under control. I admire you alot and it was tough to make alot decisions including my deal, Believe me , I hold no hard feelings , I understand its a business and everything has dollars and sense and business sense requirements. But nevertheless , it still was a blow to my ego and pride . Because I thought and everyone else for that matter telling me I got the position . But it was fun doing the interview, a bit strange because I knew you and Roger and you got to see another side of me , you didn't know existed,,My professional certificates and degrees and my experience was overwhelming. I just wish things could of worked out. Because I really loved the office staff.. you , Roger , darren, Gus < ricardo , Richard , carmen , brian .. Britney , Ivette. . it was wonderful, But if anything I want you all of you have fond memories of Mele mel or the Pleaser,,, I did love and care for everyone even it meant taking time away from my life. I worked late to help roger, I did it because I wanted too. thank you Tracy , thank you and if the an opening comes up, who knows right? Thank you and I wish you great success and happiness at the work place I miss already..!!
Ricardo- My pare ko. which mean home boy..friends .. in tagalog,, What can I say about my pare, except i enjoyed your passion for me,, God you tried so hard to get me hired, i should of listened, but I think I was too indecisive, kinda like my twin,, we both shared that quality,, its too bad I wasn't more decisive, but its ok.Perhaps something will come up,, Keep me updated,, ok, Well those talks about life and food, we did lobe those lunched at pinoy food place, and thanks for the buffet that was great I owe you big time,, You did make the office exciting . and I do love attention maybe too much,, I know Tracy didn't like that , I know I need to learn to be more office style, like more reserved,, Perhaps I will learn, pare,, But anyways,, Be cool and keep the office hopping. and stay out of the sun,, ha,,ha, Its a trip your from the islands and your afraid of the sun,, haha, kidding bro,, but I wish you well and I will never forget our talks in the parking lot in the warehouse the texts and phone calls believe me I appreciate it all, It helped me deal wit my issues, Your a great friend I will never foregt you ever..
who else? oh yea. Luis,, amigo the quiet advisor , your a great man, I respect you because you were focused on doing your job and being a family man, That's admirable and I know you think I'm loco loco, crazy ass vet , but you always paid me with great respect. I will always remember your sincere smile and your looks when you saw the crew tailgating in parking lot,, Pinche fools huh/? haha..\ 
 Jaime - you always laughed at Greg and I . called us all the demeaning names , but I know you loved us,, in your own strange way,?? I will remember you always as the elder man that didn't give a shit,, !!Like me in some ways. ? because we lived the life and who the hell is going to tell us other wise, Yup hard headed stubborn old men,, Horny old men,, is what you called us? haha,,
Manny - dude , you a cool dude, I think you think about women too much,, not a good thing because I'm not sure alot of women know what they want? But they do know what they dont like? Well anyways, it was fun, listening to your stories,, You did make me laugh,!! I know I have a sick sense of humor, and at times I was quiet,, and you would say whats wrong? Sometimes CNNneeds to take a break.. But I wish you well,, Your gonna be alright  just focus on the job more and improving yourself . You still young enough to achieve what you want to do, You just need to focus .. 
Brian- dude you make me laugh especially when Greg and I would sing, you would make those rude comments,, its too bad we couldn't work together I think we would laugh our butts off with our twisted humor,, I still trip out that you have a muscle car , I love the color, we both had black beauty's,,I wish you well and keep the office happy you have a great demeanor that the office likes, I'm gonna miss you running to the warehouse bathroom i did it too,, haha. Good luck and enjoy your life,,always,,
BENZ-- TWIN.. Well what can I say that I havent already said and written, we both know made each other lives happier even for a brief time. it was cool , it was surreal , unreal.. I know everyone at work, tripped out on the two coolest and happiest , cutest , and most helpful and caring people,I know they sensed the love and trust and respect we had or still have? We always wanted the best for one another even though I think we were so insecure about what was happening? which was a special friendship that many at work were so envious and jealous of. I mean we made it look so easy and sweet , sure , It seemed to be too good to be true, and maybe it was, ? Fairy tale, dream like state, I mean how can anyone be so close and trusting of our thoughts , ideas ,our hopes and dreams. I will always cherish the many hugs and kisses and the many smiles and words of encouragement. It Will always be in my heart,, we didn't have to say it, because we felt the love and admiration we had, its was wonderful, and its too bad everything comes to end. I really hoped we would be assets to the office and show our smiles to everyone, But its ok.. everything happens for reason . Despite the quick end, I didn't get to hug and kiss everyone,, but then again I hate good byes,, and perhaps its better this way,,No not really, I wanted too see everyone smile and cry, ?!/ well take care of your family and special someone,, and always think of the great times we had, the laughs the jokes the high fives, the singing and dancing , the weird comments and of course the too many similar events? It was short lived but I will always cherish every moment and I thank God , whatever reason, you helped me grow up and get me back on track on focused and being Mele Mel, he was hidden for months until I got to this place, Thank you and may God Bless you and your family and never forget that we are twins, no matter how hard I try to forget or run away or think otherwise ?? Take care and if you get sad , think about my many jokes or lousy singing with Greg ,, haha, or the gay talk,, okaay,, haha Farewell and Take Care my friend, I believe our paths will cross again??!!
GREG- MY BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER,, what can I say about my male twin, we both did sports n high school ran cross country we wrestled, we attention seekers, we both love music, we both love to sing and dance, i bet tracy has many tapes of us doing weird stuff, yes we are buffoons ,but lovable, I will remember the long talks at lunch and at breaks, it was cool watching you hit the boxing mitts in the parking lot and listening to music, sitting in each others car going to lunch, i still remember paying for your car wash, or going to walmart to buy oil for your car. Man that was fun. I'm gonna miss you man, I know I kept saying it, but it finally happened and I didn't get a chance to say good bye to everyone, I so wanted to see everyone smile and cry ,, Because I wanted to make a final speech, but its ok, I will make a final blog to you guys, be sure to share with everyone.. Because I already miss you guys, The laughs the jokes , our silly comments, so funny? Some maybe not , I;m sorry to everyone  had to endure it . We felt we had to make a statement every time we walked in the office , I know Roger tripped out on us.. Well brother from another brother, always cherish our moments because what we had or did cant  be duplicated, we had a special bond and friendship that I know is life long and though our time at work was brief and fast I will always cherish the many great talks we had and the lessons we taught one another, man,, bro I'm gonna miss you alot, it might sound gay and I don't care,, but I love you man,, we shared s many great times I know we helped each other deal with the stress of life, we both helped us,, get through daily events, I wish you well in your fitness goals, go for it bro and I want to attend as many events possible before this old ass man kicks the bucket,, yea, this old guy is going to live forever, oh. I wish.. I don't eat enough or rest enough or sleep enough to live a long life, Plus I worry too much , to live a peaceful long life, just saying. Ok,,well I think that's everybody that mattered,, Take care bro,, Brothers for life!!
Well that's my farewell speech to my workers, I hope you all loved it and I will miss you and Love you guys forever! Mele mel goal is to spread happiness to God's children!!
THE SOURCE PRODUCTIONS@2017..

THE ROCK CHURCH TEMECULA VALLEY- INSPIRED BY GREG AND JOANNY!!

THE ROCK CHURCH TEMECULA VALLEY - INSPIRED BY GREG AND JOANNY!!

  Well I want to thank you Greg and Joanny for inviting me to attend your church.  I must admit , I was nervous and even scared to go? I mean , I have been going through alot.. ??But I took the big step and attended. It was great to see them in the parking lot , they greeted me with big smiles and hugs,, of course i was over dressed. I haven't figured out what to wear sometimes.. But anyways, we go in and I meet Greg's sister , and her husband and another family Friend.. So we went in and sat down at first , I was next to joannny but later switched to siting next to Greg.. Well anyways,, the church setting is very relaxed and you can feel the love.. The singing is what got me,, I felt the emotions and feelings of the songs they sang. I felt good and uplifted with their songs.. It was awesome,,
  Now to the lessons learned. " The Power of Mercy - and  that God can use anybody..."

                          Well it went something like this , Never forget its all because of God's Mercy! You have to be authentic. Remember its not about me! , so how true that was when I heard it.. and the 2 things that happen when you forget its not about you: 

1) Going to get bitter from my problems .. 
2) Going to get prideful from blessings.. 

In other word God is interested in your motivation than your methods, ok,, I got that , why did you do those things, did  you do it because you want to famous , you want to be a celebrity? , did you do it because you want approval,, did you do it because your so insecure , that buying treats for the work place is your way to make you feel appreciated and love? Thats not a true motivation, you should do things because you want to share good feelings you have, you have God's love.. I mean we should do things because we want to share GOD'S love with his children.. We are all children of God.. We should love one another , but I know some people cant accept Gods love or kindness. so they shun you.. It hurts but I realize that some people just cant accept kindness or true love , because they have been hurt before or they fear they will be hurt. Make sense?
 On humility.. Humility is not denying your strength.. My take , be prideful of your talents and if you do share them , be open and honest with them, for me I 'm very good at boxing martial arts an when I teach people I feel enlightened think about it m when you teach someone something  they look at you different , they look to you as a teacher , preacher , its not ego boosting , but its tremendous fulfillment when your able to share your skills and talents.. am I right. False humility is when you say I'm not good at something , then you show off anyway,,That way people look at you as a faker , a teaser, and phony,, In other words you have to true , and be authentic.. Make sense? 

Humility is being honest about your weakness.. My take is don't be afraid of talking about your weakness.. like for me , I have the tendency to hold things in instead of letting it out at the time of the events. That's why I freak out when I let these things stay bottled in,.. But I will learn how to speak out my mind when something happens.. I need to fix it now because its making me tired . when I keep holding things in,, It keeps me up when i keep things to myself,, Its a weakness I need to work on. 

Another lessson I learned from today's sermon . is " Use my pain to help others." ,,how true that is, I used to help many young people in the navy when they hurt about being lonely , or being heart broken, or being disappointed, and every time I helped a shipmate or Marine, survive the moment,, it made me feel good.. Its god's way to help each other.. We are God's children.. We should help one another , but I also know ego's , and pride can interfere with relationships,.. and it shouldn't be that way? But I know that helping others is like releasing your own pain you had. your helping them know , that I feel your pain I was there and I got through it and I  Will help you get through it.. That's a great feelimg to know that others have pain and we all have to deal with problems. For me, I always put on a smile and joke around, maybe too much and I know people must wonder how can this guy who has seen death , destruction , killings, accidents , misery and yet I still smile and be happy ! I know people enjoy that , like Greg,my brother from another mother, together at work, we laugh , we sing and dance and show happiness.. Sure it might look gay or awkward. But its our way to deal with the many issues and problem's we have dealt with. I really believe God works in mysterious ways,, and I cherish our bond and friendship,, and of course Joanny is a sweet heart , My goodness I appreciate what you do, I have bombarded you with all my stuff and to your credit , you held off judgment.. until you heard it all? But sometimes things just have to be played out.. ? Both of them have taught me .. that be kind to those that are true to you and be true to those that love you! I know God is great because I have 2 of the best friends I can ever have.. 
   As the sermon went on I learned about the 3 kinds of suffering :

1) Suffering because of my poor choices ,,My take is that you knew the things you were getting into , was going to lead to heartbreak.. Am I right? Like you know that girl is bad for you , but because she is giving u attention , You go for it and then when it fails,, sure your hurt , but deep down inside you knew.. but regardless you suffered needlessly by engaging n that relationship? But we are suckers to attention or ego o=boosting.. ? Am I right? 


2) Suffering because of someone else choices.. My take is here is when feel suffering based on other people choices you are empathizing with them , which is ok, but hen you let it affect your life too much. Its unhealthy suffering. Everyone makes choices and no matter how hard you try to help them , if they make the mistake,,, they must learn form it ,,But people like me, tend to feel guilty that I didn't do enough for them.. But I now know you cant feel guilt because someone suffered based on their poor choices,, We as a friend can only do so much which is true and something I learned today... Let things go and let people live their lives and if it hurts them. so be it..at least you tried.. You did your best! 

3) Suffering where you chose to put up with pain and problems in order to help others ..When you put up with peoples actions or hurtful statements because we feel comfortable with one another.. that's why we dump on each other and because we love them or we think we do, we put up with the harsh treatment.. even though taking those hurtful words and actions is actually killing ourselves, emotionally and physically.. Don't allow anyone to do that. Pray for them and wish them well , but you need to let things go.. I know its hard to do, but sometimes people need time and space to heal themselves and recover. That's something that took a lifetime to finally understand,, ? At times letting people go is just a way for the both of you to heal and grow, and through time, if you guys return , it means it was meant to be.. 

Make sense? Ok.. as the sermon went on Stay focused on Eternity!! All the problems we have faced in our lives , is nothing compared to living in eternity. This is where I broke down, God places us or puts us in many trials and tribulations, because he knows you will become stronger and use each event as a growing pains as signs that you can survive anything. I know each test ..I have gone through it seems it gets tougher and tougher , and my faith gets tested . and though I want to quit. I never do, and each time I overcome the issues I feel closer to God, even though temptations are always around . Its takes tremendous strength to fight evil and to fight deceit and horrible thoughts, But I have survived and become stronger , even though it looks like I'm gonna fail.. The idea that heaven exist and that peace and  harmony will be our by being patient.. Is a wonderful idea we all must think about? In other words don't dwell on the bad times , because they last a moment ,its the thought of eternal life, that should guide us to be happy and share happiness to others. My heart feels better when I share happiness instead of hate,and when i heard these words, I broke down crying, and the more I tried to control it or stop it ,, It became a waterfall .. of tears. MY god,, My dear friends Joanny and Greg are wonderful,, they patted my head and back and kept me somewhat composed, the church staff was so helpful and thoughtful they gave me tissues for my waterfall of tears,, But as hurting as it was to cry my eyes out, it was also soul searching and revealing that I have neglected God for so long and I was thinking I could deal with the issues by myself. But I now know I need people and support in my life..
  The final lesson from the sermon.. " The key to staying focused : Small groups..  My take on this is that there is strength in number . when you have 2 people on your side , you can fight back to back , if you have 3 on your side.. you can fight even better. I know I have the best of friends in Greg and Joanny , they have been so supportive of me , and guiding me to be a better person. I know they have differing opinions about what I should do? But I respect them both very much, and they have encouraged me to better myself and focus on whats important in my life. Like my family , my dear friends , the job, my future,, I now know that I have true friends for life..I really believe that and my deal with twin flame connection.. We both know how we feel and we both know whats best , and I know God has a plan for everything and we meet people for  reason. I feel blessed that I had connections with people.. and those that have helped me I love you very much and those that are still with me. I love you very much too.. 

I had a wonderful time and I thank God I was able to release my tears and feelings of guilt , and pain and misery I have been feeling and from this day on I want all of you to find time to talk to God and release your guilt or pain and also stay with people that make you feel good. Mind games, drama , or or insecure thoughts an actions is unhealthy and unproductive,Like I said , Pray for them , wish them well , but let them go,, Its for the best. If they recover .. maybe that friendship can come back together , but if not,, Then reach out to those that are true to you. have a great day and I hope you liked the lessons learned from the New church I call home now.!!
THE SOURCE PRODUCTIONS @2017

THE SOURCES VIEW OF OFFICE STAFF..INSPIRED BY LIFE,,,

TRACI - Shes a loud and proud , disciplinarian, She has that intimidation image done pat , But to be honest she is very funny and caring. Despite the tough administrative image , she wants to respected and feared at the same time. I mean think about she has to boss over men and the only way to do that is to have that demeanor down. Misunderstood and feared , perfect combo for her position..She managing and often over bearing , but she cares about doing a great job and refuses to compromise her principles or actions. He wants to make sure everything is working and everyone knows their roles in the office or on the warehouse.

Roger - A retired masterchief with those strong traits expected from a higher up. But has the kindest heart and caring person that wants to help people. But I see he needs help accomplishing his goals, I see him running around when he should be doing office work.  He;s strict but fair and likeable. He has a rapport with his coworkers and loves talking about his Navy days and his incredible gun collection.He has a great heart and truly cares about people that work. He has a temper who doesn't , but sometimes you have to laugh at what he gets angry about. His does have ideas to run things , but has million thoughts. He really needs someone to be his assistant who is organized and has a flair to inspire people..

Darren - The quiet one.. simple..Looks like Jet Li with his shades and walks like him too. Silent and secretive.. The hidden character you don't pay attention to,

Gustavo- I see him as a Tech guy , kinda Nerd of the group , He very friendly once you start talking to him and has a kind and caring nature, He isn't loud or too talkative but a nice balance in the office I enjoy our conversations.He;s the type that wont volunteer to talk to you , but if you engage in chit chat , will pay attention  and make you feel good. When he talks to you , he expects you to look at him with respect and develop a connection like true tech guy does. Making sure connections are working in proper order.


Ricardo _ I see him as the cool guy that likes to talk and wants to know whats going on,hes always asking me whats up and cracking jokes, He is truly a likeable character. No doubt, he cares about his job and wants to always look good. He has a great attention to detail and hates the sun. I see him every day covering his face from the suns rays, which is very smart,, I see him as a Little inpatient and wants to get where he's going fast. Nothing wrong with that? , But impatience is not a good thing on the freeways in SOCAL. BUT he is likeable and always feel free to speak to  him regarding any matters dealing with the job.

BRIAN - Hes like every ones son, hes funny , hes clever , Moody at times and has a cool Black Camaro.. I enjoy our talks.. I really get a kick when he has to run to the bathroom.. he looks like a little boy running holding his butt so the poop doesn't fall out.. I have seen this many times and I still laugh each time he does it.. Funny boy indeed..

RICHARD -  the Silent one , that has some words to say, I can tell he a stickler to his job and takes it serious , and you need those quiet workers to keep the office in harmony , its not good to have too many talkers in the office..

JAMES- THE HAIR.. its old school , kinda like Kid -n Play .hehhe if You old timers know that. But anyways, He makes me laugh, especially when his warehouse side kick Danny read the Dear Abby articles.. Its funny its like the daily talk show event and i can tell Danny likes to read and be a showman before going back to warehouse floor.  I like James , he doesn't care for office functions , which means he's kinda of a loner or doesn't truly feel comfortable in social gathering, which kind of surprises me since i heard he;s a musician. But then again Musicians are different breed,

THE GIRLS..

Britney- Shes a very pretty but unpredictable one,?? I mean is that she can be friendly and cool and then be that leave me alone image. She is sweet and  i get a kick of her demands to keep the work fridge clean. Shes perfect in regulating things in the office so to speak.. Maybe a Traci in the making , I can see that in the future. Shes careful what she says and who she talks to ?, but deep inside shes a sweetheart , but i believe she puts on that tough exterior to protect herself. She seems like she has been hurt and using her personality to keep her safe from dudes that might want to play her and she doesn't want to get played or look bad under any circumstance.

Ivette- She is so sweet and caring, I see her making coffee and keeping the sink clean , I think what strike me the most about her is that she wants to help , people she really has a kind heart that is hard to find these days, even though she may have issues in her life , she finds happiness around , by being good to people, That's why people like working with her and asking her for help.. A true asset to the office and someone that will be sorely and surely missed.

CARMEN - ok, shes this very proud , but bitter person that feels or I sense she feels like she;s misunderstood, Well , her tall figure can be intimidating and unapproachable, and that i think hurts her ability to truly connect with people. She has a great laugh , and smile when prompted or she finds something funny , but I don't see it enough. I wouldn't say  her vibe hurts  the office? Not sure.. but if she showed more consistency , the office vibe will be greater especially she sits in the middle in front of the window, perhaps a more funnier person sitting near her will open her up.

Benz- Shes the most hospitable and sweetest lady I ever met and I have met many of them in my lifetime. She has a warm smile and a kind spirit that wants you to get to know her. She has a sense of class about her self , almost royalty like. It seems like we have been together in another life and about to do it again. She always looks out for people and helps those that help her. Shes the type that will out do in kindness game. I don't think anyone can defeat her in that department.. Including myself. Its a cool vibe to have such a smiling face at that part of the office by the back near the bathrooms and break room , actually the center of attention..

In a Nut shell. The office has a wide array of people strategically paced for reason. THE ATTENTION GRABBERS IN FRONT CENTER OF THE OFFICE AN THE RESEARCHERS IN THE DEEPER IN LAYERS OF THE OFFICE. IF i HAD TO SELECT A SPOT, i WOULD LIKE TO BE IN FRONT , GREETING CUSTOMERS, CHALLENGING ALL VISITORS AND BEING THE FIRST PERSON TO GREET. I have the maturity to handle all situations and love to be in this office setting.. I know Gus , would be the go to Tech Guy along with Ricardo,, and Brian too. Richard i feel is helpful , but i think he likes working alone and being in his spot in the office.. As for finding someone to cheer you up.. Benz, Ivette , and Brian does that trick .. I like the office setting and its going to sad to Vette go. but that's life ,everyone has their time and place .. My observations of the OFFICE SPACE AT MY WORK.. WHAT DO YOU THINK ?

My co workers, Its nothing demeaning ,and I hope of you enjoy this . Because My coworkers did? 

THE SOURCE PRODUCTIONS @2017..

WHO AM I? INSPIRED BY LIFE..

WHO AM I ? INSPIRED BY LIFE..

   First of all I want to thank the many people from places like Thailand, Guam , Hawaai , Russia , who somehow , some way get to read MY  world wide blog.. I appreciate the view hits, over 32,000 since 2010,, !!
  Now to the blog, I know I can have a dual personality , where I can be sweet loving and care free , that the sensitive guy who was raised by his grandma and mama.. You know when you spend a majority of tine around women , your gonna have female qualities? Like be very emotional , be very sensitive to things. You tend to care for women as people,, Then you have the dad's side , where I grew up alpha male high tester one , kill or be killed mentality  where you want something you take it,, Its like fighting,,if you want to win, you have to take the fight, not be afraid of getting hit or injured? How can anyone have 2 strong personalities .. like that and coexist? To be honest its not easy, I have battled this for years all my life.. its like when I'm with men, I become what  men are,, if they are hungry girl chasing men,, I'm that  if I'm around women,, I become like a women,, perhaps the reason I have so many female Friends,, they like me as a friend so to speak,, but respect me too much to make out/ I mean who wants to make out with a guy that is respective,, its like your with a priest or something, well that's what one girl told me many years ago,, I feel like your this King , with royalty , and have this superior attitude and put women on a pedestal,, when most or alot of girls just want to get screwed.. funny how you think women want certain things but you show them another side? Its my issues it seems I'm too old fashioned, I mean I still trip out whelm girls ask me out or hit on me? I say what the hell I'm supposed to be the one But its a different age now, Women know what they want or don't want? i need to get with the program huh,, 
 Well My alpha male side is a wild man, doesn't care what people think, he does whatever and if it hurts you,, who gives a flying fuck,, That side of me is whats winning right now, I mean , It seems it comes out when I work out alot and hang with alpha males.. I get the feeling of I'm the King.. If you work out  constantly,, you get this euphoria, the endorphins,, and for  me. Its a dangerous drug. I have been lifting weights and boxing again,, those motions,, and getting my muscle to do it again,, has also got my emotions and mind hyped up,, I know being middle aged and nearing the twilight of his life, how can you get hyped out? Well that's the fountain of youth. is, think young act young and take care of your body When you do those things your actions follow suit. but I know father time is marching on and one day I wont be able to do the things i used to do  in 20's , 30's , 40's. Hell it seems very day is a struggle to get up and go,, I mean the joints creak, the pains in my feet and arms are a daily grind, But stretching helps, I do it every day and night, Keeping you body limber is important, the same gos with the mind,, I listen to al kinds of music an watch al kinds of shows and movies, I expose myself to everything and everyone, I still love talking to young people,, I mean, Some young people don't think I'm that old,, I surprise everyone, But I know Mother nature and father time is just waiting and I will have to submit to the ravages of time and just the wear and tear of life,, Mid life crisis, you bet, I'm trying to hold on to every inch of y youth, that's why I watch my diet , I exercise , I use beauty cremes I take vitamins, and rest as much as I can. Its a great recipe for staying and looking young. But having this proud and loud sensitive man, its hard to figure him out.. Because he can lash out over the littlest of things like . getting upset with people who tell him why did you do that? because it as there and besides.. who are you to judge me when I used to,, buy treats well over 30-40 bucks a week, But that's a done deal,, That place wont have to worry about me buying treats or eating treats from them anymore, I mean. who am I to try to steal their thing, I'm only a guest,, or temp worker,?I forgot that!! but now I realize y place with those people at work.. Don't worry girls, you will never see me do that again , or buy treats for work,, I now know my place at work, and that's ok.. Everything happens for a reason.. ? I know that my alpha male personna needed to come out..The alpha male just thinks about work and mission, and doesn't care about cute girls , or flirty ones.. He thinks about the mission at hand,, To be honest I like the in your face ,, take charge guy,, That's really me.. but I have that sweet , loving , caring , almost woman like guy that thinks about others more than himself,, The pleaser,, that's the one that spreads joy and laughter and at times gets unfocused and plays or flirts wit the cute girls , with song and dance and winks and smiles that of course any girl or guy would like, We all love attention and when you have a goof ball cutie giving to you , why not right? But that goof ball is hurting because he tends to open up too much and like the million times before , he gets hurt , he gets misunderstood and his dream world,, Dreamer.. gets screwed, and he is hurt and has to rebuild his heart and ego.. Its been a ongoing cycle since I retired in 2012. I have never found the right place to work or the circle of friends to keep me going. I realize those work friends aren't shit, they are there to keep a job, and if they can, take the one from you, I'm not saying my actions with everyone at work affected things, But I'm sure it didn't help? But its ok. My time at work is ending soon, Maybe one more week, and then I have to look for new work,, Its been fun..I worked there almost 4 month and I have seen so many come and go,, I loved the farewell party for I .. she was a sweetheart, kind like me. she always had a smile and do things for you without question,, Great heart, you don't see women like that anymore,, Most girls today are looking for what can I get out of this dude? am I right ? Or maybe I'm stereotyping too much. But it seems today's women are concerned about attending to their needs its the me , myself,, and I generation, but that's life,,everything goes in cycles,, Like the loves of your life I know I thought the girls and guys I had friendships, I thought they would last forever, but people come and go, some stay forever like my best friend joe, I mean we have been apart of years, out of touch,, but once we start talking , its like nothing changed,, He is truly a best friend who has advise me so much about life and the women.. he tells me, you have such a big ego,, if you could marry yourself you woulds,, ant that the truth? But anyways,, True friends are hard to find, now that Found another friend Greg. who is a brother from another mother, he has been a life saver,, we laugh and joke and sing at work, all day long .. I know the workers think we are gay or crazy,, but its the military thing, we find pleasure ,, in comforting one another. Its the warriors code, never leave brother home, in need we turn to our brothers.  Thus the alpha male personality is winning. I'm loving sports and I'm getting my son ready for play some high school football in socal Lake Elsinore Tigers,, I'm excited for him,, Hes a small but powerful and fast and extremely smart football player. hes my idol and look for those blogs bragging about his game day antics.. 
   Ok.. I just want to say the sensitive side , has been writing a lot of blogs about twin flames , friendships, etc.. and very passionate and gut wrenching. I see I need to have a balance , like the Chinese yin and yang,, I need balance in my personality, something my twin flame,, has been trying to teach me. But I know I have shown that arrogant , prideful , mean , uncaring selfish bastard that just cares about his needs I know it not a pretty sight to see, but its my personality and perhaps why I have had hundreds of girls in my life,, Yea,, starting since grade school middle school high school and college. I have the ability to attract girls at clubs party's etc. but after that I get bored , I get anxious , I like the homey moon phase , I'm addicted to that feeling , that euphoria, and when it runs dry,, on to the next? sad .. huh,, But its like a addict , they need that fix and that's my addiction I always want that attention , I need the feeding of my ego, even though the women that usually do that also want that in return.. But I know time is marching on and I want to learn from my mistakes and issues , but its the fight between the Good Guy vs the Bad Guy.. and its tiring? Who am I? I'm this sensitive ,prideful guy that likes attention and enjoys performing for people and wants it and craves it even though others may be offended and tired of it. I know work should be work and your off time is the time to deal with personal life. I'm learning , and I now know I will learn to just to do my job and just let things go by. Build relationships and friendships through your deeds for them and take time to take care of business and your co workers. Having peace and harmony at work is so important. You don't have to be friends with everyone, but you can respect everyone... Even the ones that hurt you. I should heed my advice , but its hard sometimes to do what you write into real life. Because real life is challenging , to talk to someone about anything , is scary, I know I have issues with that with my relationships in my life. But a a true real man does that.Takes charge and make decisions. I have been battling depression for years because of leaving a career I loved it has affected every aspect of my life.. But its time to recover and show who I am? Which is a sensitive , proud , and caring person that needs to have balance in his persona and don't bottle things up  and then explode,, ?I need to change that , I know I do it , but I need to take actions as well as all of you that have problems facing problems in your. Its not easy but when you take care of issues before they get pent up weill save your relationships , friendships  marriage etc.. Take note , Don't go to bed mad. It will drive you crazy and don't let issues with friends and family tear at you, Life is so short.. Be happy . Have a great night and always take care of your self and work at being a better everything!!
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