The Last stand of an Good Man.. Inspired by heartache...

The last stand of an Good Man.. Inspired by heartache..
 All I ever wanted to do in life was perform and share my talents and skills, but that hope and dream was destroyed when I met a older woman, back when I was young and dum aspiring actor,, I let Love or what I thought was love interfere with my desire to an artist,, I put away my heart and soul to be with her, and for what , on reflection, I instead suffered though the worst six years of my life,, and now,, after all these years , here we go again.. I mean,, let me say this, when someone says something and they mean it,, do they really ? I mean words are a powerful statement and often times , people think its cool to play on those words and and to be honest, I rather be kicked in the nuts , then to suffer emotional and psycholoigical pain. I have seen too many heart aches and seen too many injuries and death in my life.. The death of school friends , too young to die and the deaths of my mother and mother in law were devastating , even to this day, I still cant shake the feeling they are gone.. They were vefry special to me, and they still haunt my hopes and dreams,. Just the very thought of them bring tears and joy , but the pain of them being gone is unbearable , to the point its like I cant breath and my chest is tightening and my thoughts are so clustered and unfocused. But as every tragedy I suffered and will suffer, makes me die .. Not physically , well not yet , but the pain of heartbreak is so real. You feel the pain in your heart , your blood pressure rises and you feel all achy and sore, and you feel like you cant go on,, and if you don't recover , chances are you wont. I know all the pain and suffering probably has taken its toll on my heart and soul,, and I cant explain the feelings I have right now, othetr than, I have lost faith in human relationships, friendships and the like.. Yes, I'm gonna be there,, right? for what or for whom? Everyone uses everyone else for something, and that's the sad part about life. A lot of people just want their needs met, who gives a flying rat ass, what the other person is going through.. I never wanted to do harm to anyone ,whether its my video postings or blogs.. I did those things because I was inspired by many of my facebook friends or friends I thought I really had.. To be honest ,, I realize , I don't have as many so called true friends .. Its seems , once they get what they want from me, they go on,, and no wonder people , like my sister , my real sister , don't engage in human emotions,, I mean what for? to be hurt , to be lied to, to be humiated , to be destroyed in public, to wreck your reoutation and image , for what ? for friendship , for compainionship , .. Come on people ,, I never did anything to harm my family and friends and yet I'm made out to look like the bad guy.. the attention seeker , the frustrated actor that didn't make it , why? Because he thought Love for woman,, could keep his aspirations in tack.. In other words I sold my soul and my let go of my hopes and dreams for an older , wiser , smarter woman that not only used and abused me, but mentally destroyed me forever, and how can I recover another such heart ache,, Its not that hard to open up to someone you thought you can trust forever , but to only be tossed and discarded like your nothing, I should of known better to trust anyone with my feelings and open thoughts, But that's ok.. that will never happen again, and I suggest all of you who read this, take note,, be wary who you trust , even the most sincere and thoughtful sentiments of a woman or man, can be so fragile and painful.. HOW ANYONE CAN Live that way is really sad, I mean to play with someones emotions is the cruelest thing a man or woman can do. So just be careful, in fact , I'm never going to show that side to anyone , well maybe through blogs and such, but as far as facebook, or face to face contact.. that free - spirited, joyful person is gone.. and The real life, realistic, and pragmatic person is the one that will cope with the Jungle.. I don't need human spirits to make me happy. I find joy in my family and my life,, and the power from God.. He knows what im feeling and I'm sure he is not happy how this child like man was played with and tossed like a piece of trash.. Its