Love at First sight .. Based on true events..

Once upom a time , when I was a plain clothes security agent at Hotel del Coronado, I was living the single life.. I mean a few years back I went through a messy break up with a lontime girlfreind.. Lets call her lana.. not her real name , but she was beautiful, sexy , love to dance and liked the same things I liked.. We are perfect in love. But as time went by . she dropped the bomb on me saying its over. and I knew it was hard on her to say it but i give her credit and respect that she admtted her new love and I met her.. yes.. I met her, It was devastating I took it wrong.. really wrong I got depressed then I got mad so yes I was a man whore, love them and leave them. tease them and please then.. I was hurt.. so this went on for years.. then.. I met the love of my life.. a simple , sweet smiling girl from the islands.. I was in love,, in fact the girl i was talking to in the parking lot,, I said I'm in love,, she said your crazy,, you dont know anything about her,, if shes married, has boyfriends,, etc.. I said i dont care.. Shes the love of my life... and then I pursued her like a stalker, sent flowers, sent cards , pictures,, but nothing i would walk by smile, but I never intorduced myself,, crazy huh, I mean other girls,, I wasnt afraid to talk and ask them out,, her... I was star struck i was shy? So after 3 months or so. I walked by her in the parking lot,, intorduced myself, and asked her she got everything i gave her,, she said, yes, thank you, I said thats it!! She said I'm taken,, I have a boyfriend,, I was heart broken,, but I said its only a boy friend.. so to speak,,,I said,, let me take you out one time,, and if you dont like me or what,, I wont bother you anymore.. we went out and it was magic. we laughed, we joked, we kissed we hugged,, we fell in love and soon after he broke up with her guy and I dropped all my girls.. was it easy.. fo rme.. it was because they were just party girls they were fun things,, With Donna , not her real name.. I found my soul mate , the one that was going to bear my children and raise them well and be my companion for life and what a life we had,, we lived in washington state in japan, and seen places like hong kong germany , bejing , italy. hawaii.. we saw the world, and we enjoyed every single minute,, of it.. and I still beleive we can still enjoy the rest of our lives. I mean how can anyone throw away over 20 years of marriage over a mistake , over a misjudgment , a weakness in time,, We are just human.. we are prone to temptations and mistakes.. but if you cant forgive someone, then its no use. I mean God gave up his son , so that sinners would be forgiven.. and that we could go on wit life. if anything.I learned that we are only human , we going to do things to hurt one another. but the key is to forgive and move on,, but some,, pride , ego  image ,perception, self ishness controls evertyhting, controls wisdom rational thought ,love..Im not mad at the ones that have left me , every relationship i have had I enjoyed and wil chersih it for the rest of my life. One lesson i learned is Love is fleeting its elsuise, its hard to grasp or define its definton,, but its soemthing we all want and yearn for,, it like working out, the endorphins produced is like nothing else in life it addcitbve,, like driving fast.. i do it,beause its a thrill. its a passion that like a drug,, the more you do it the more you need it and the faster you drive,, the faster you need to.. its dangerous , and someday could kill me.. But like love.. when you love someone so much that it kills you slowly,, you cant help it,, its addictive , it manipuluative its deadly.because your rational , practial mind tells you,, its time to move on and enjoy your life, while the imaginative, romantic, poetic , sexy side says,, stay with it.. But if you do it ,and its killing you, mentally , physically ans emotioally,, how the hell can this be love.. ? Its a sick , love that never grew up, its a sick love for someone you fell for many years ago..so you keep fooling yourself and others that you are in love.. but your actions your words say otherwise. its sad ,,to think people in such relationships,, coldnt just stop it sooner.. instead of letting go on for so many years.. to the point,, youcant even be friends , you cant even be cordial,, you cant even stan one another.. what a shame, how deep love,, can become deep hatred and resentment. but it happens,, I know I have seen it I have lived it and I have survived it? or amI.. just slowly wilting away, not eating well , not sleeping , not living,, but just going through the motions,, living that way can get youkilled or someone killed, because you cant see the reality of things,, you imagine how things use dto be annd you think based on your ego,, you can fix anything ..but after so many failed relationships,, and not truly fnding oneself,,it seems being alone and being a lost soul is where I am.. In the past few years no names, but I have atended funerals and heard about clasmates friends that have killedthemselves or died under suspicious matters. For me...I coldnt understand why anyone can do that to themselves,, but living through the emotional hell i have been through,, I understand I can empatize with them,, because the pain and misery of living can be so unbearbale so hopeless , that death seems like the answer. Yea,, I know think about your kids ,your family your firends,,if you kill yourself, look at the lifetime pain and misery you left with them.. and the guilt complex those around would feel especially if you were on bad terms.. Life is great when things are going well. but life can seem like a burden ifthings are horrible.. When your depressed days seems to last forever an that ray of light that spark of hope .. doesnt seem close enough to grasp.. Thus,,, Love at first sight , was the most amazing thing I ever felt, but true love conquers all. temptation, frustration.. I hold no grudges or hatred towards any of the women that fell out of love with me.. I respect the ones that broke it off and made it clear why they did? And I figured ,,, the love of my life would last forever ! But I’ve learned everything comes to an end .. it’s what we call life . Life has no favorites life can be happy . Sad , tragic , etc in other words nothing last forever !? Until my next blog just think about things and enjoy what you have! 
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