Why I dont drink anymore? Inspired by ????

Why I don't drink anymore? Inspired by ???
 If you live long enough life, your gonna make mistakes in judgment , in love affairs in friendship's , in business dealing in, whatever? No one lives the perfect life.. Its just human nature,, When I was a teenager I used to drink and have fun racing cars , chasing girls,, dancing , clubbing , Life was wonderful..
 Then.... after my first enlistment I was sent overseas ,, But before that I spent the best  days of vacation with my beloved mama.. I was told by the family , its a Miracle,, Mama looks more alive than she has in years.. My family said , she has been bed ridden and depressed, But those  30 days She made breakfast , we went to parks and our favorite food places..went to church,, She looked like the mama I left years ago before going to my first command in Wa State..
  Well the 30 days of fun in the sun and has  blast.. But before leaving for the Airport and waving good bye.. I took one last look at my mom and I saw the saddest look I ever saw on her face, it was like all the smiles and passion she had .in just in a instance disappeared.. And.. my eyes began to water and my skin became cold and clammy as if I knew That was going to be the last time I would see her.. But it soon passed and I was ok on the plane ride home and honestly didn't think nothing of it.. until....
  Months later my oldest brother called me like 4 am.. I knew it was bad news. He said mama is sick,, or dying.. I said,, what?  I just saw her months ago, she was healthy and happy.. He said,, " Honestly,, we were all shocked how she performed those 30 days , it was like a miracle, She forced herself to look healthy and happy.. just for you,, I started to cry, and I demanded the room # and I soon called her,.. She said She is ok,, I told her I'm coming home to visit,, again.. She said, NO need I'm ok.. we talked for hours ,, and The following day I requested to go home,, They approved it quickly,.. so off I went.. but.. the flight was delayed , and I had to spend a night , before flying off.. I was so anxious to see mama..
 I called my brothers they said .. We are sending annie to pick you up.. I said what , I'm going to the San Diego Naval Hospital.. I got there and I said my moms name,, I asked what room.. they looked at their roster no name sir. I said what I just spoke with her a day or two ago.. I then heard Mona moan or cry... but I was in denial .. they said  . The chaplain is on his way, I said I don't need a chaplain.. I want to see my mama. yes I was making a scene, I mean I flew half way around the world., Had to sleep or spend a night wondering about my mama..
 My wife grabbed my arm.. babe,, I think she's gone.. .. I began to cry uncontrollably, gone where ? What room is she in.. The nurse and Dr's were all in a state of shock.. They took me to a empty room and informed me she passed away yesterday..of heart failure.. I let out the loudest cry and I sank to my knees in deep pain and sorrow , I felt the earth was taken form under me,, My heart grew heavy and my tears were pouring like water.. Mona picked me up and I started to cry on her shoulder she cried with me along with the chaplain. the nurse.. Finally,, My brothers and sisters got to the room and we all cried and asked why?
 I was devastated .. I was at a loss. I took her death poorly,,, I blamed my family for not looking after her.. I was in a rage, When I returned to Japan. I began to drink heavily and often.. I had issues with daily drinking, I was sent to every alcohol program around, I would say and do the right things,, but as soon as I got another drink,, The sadness and angry emotion's would surface and I would become,, a mean, almost demonic person. I would say and do horrible things, The more I drank the more depressed I would get,, The more I drank the more I needed to get a high.. It got to a point daily drinking for hours wasn't enough.. But the verbal abuse and physical confrontations with co workers was the worst,, But I keep doing it, the more I drank the lonelier I got , I felt as empty as the bottles of whatever I drank.. I was.. a mess.. and I almost lost is all. The career , the family , my life.. What changed me?
 Simple after a drunken state at a fam party, My son told me or pleaded with me to stop. He had the saddest almost shameful look on his face.. Whats scary.. I didn't even know what I said or did,, I mean who did I hurt verbally and physically.. I mean I black out when I get drunk and do things,, but you know.. People . because I went through so much pain and misery early in life,, I realized.. that's why I live life with great joy and happiness.. Because I have seen family and friends die .. its not a good feeling to lose someone you love.. but I realized that that's the cycle of life,, Everything comes to an end.. Love, life.. everything has a life cycle.. That's why the friends I have I cherish , because we never know when is our last day or breath.. When it time to go,, ,, I want my friends to love me and be happy the life I shared with my writings or posts. Because my true friends and fans of me. You all know I do the dancing , writing or whatever because I love it.. I love life and thankful to GOD every day or every morning I'm able to wake up and do the things I love to do..dance, write , read,, make people smile. If I can bring joy to people 's heart.. than I'm happy..
 Thus .. Because I don't like how I feel and behave when I'm drunk , I don't drink.. and I'm happy with that.. Its like I said , every bottle I drank , I felt as empty and stinky as the bottle I just finished,, I was never solving anything. It just made me more miserable.. and thus,, it also made my close family and friends sad too. so,,,,, Because of that .. I don't drink anymore.. Hey I have my occasional one or two
maybe 3 drinks a night socializing,, but I don't want to get drunk .. I don't like how mean I become and its not cool.. Drinking was a crutch when I was dealing with issues , like the loss of my mama.. I know I cant bring my mama back.. But I feel by living the way she would treat people , is enough to keep her spirit alive., so,, In honor of my Mama.. I want to be like her , a loving , caring parent and strict disciplinarian with my kids, It's called tough love,, ..
 I'm good with not drinking anymore, besides I have a messed up liver from the early age of drinking . I'm trying to regain my health and drinking is not a toxin I want inside.. I have a lifetime to share with my beloved wife, and kids.. and my new bestie I call sister.. Without these special people.. I am nothing.. I promise to be good to them and I promise to keep those demons that come with heavy , excessive drinking.. Actually its not a tough choice. I care about health , and maintaining my  health, and besides,, drinking is so fattening,, and I care about my girlish figure..hehe. Why I don't drink? Its not as hard as you think.. I find joy in my dancing , writing and singing,, to offset any emotional highs I can get from drinking... To those that drink.. don't feel sorry for me,,, I lived my life and I suffered with liver damage and other damages to my skins and bines because of the damage heavy drinking does to your heart,, lungs , and stomach.. it burns up the insides after so many years..
 But its a new year , a new career and new life.. and I don't need to drink to be happy, I get off on my own emotional high I get from my wife , my kids and my sweet best friend I call sis..  Why I don't drink..?? Its not even a second thought .. I don't because I don't need it.. It imprisoned me for too many years.. I'm free now, and I'm enjoying my life and what the future has in store for me.. My lovely wife and kids,, and sis all are supporting my new endeavors and I'm embracing their enthusiasm and belief,, I don't want to let them down.. I did that for so many yeas with careless words and thoughts,, because the liquid courage would take control.. Not anymore... if I reach for a bottle its usually water , because I work out and sweat too much.. Why I don't drink anymore?? Because I don't need spirits so to speak to be happy.. I'm the master of my own destiny.. and I am so happy right now, in fact this is the happiest time of my life!! Until my next blog take care always!!'
THE SOURCE PRODUCTIONS @ 2013