DEAR MAMA.. I LOVE AND I MISS YOU DEARLY.. INSPIRED BY LIFE..

DEAR MAMA, I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU DEARLY.. INSPIRED BY MONA  AND CLOSE DEAR FREINDS,,
    Dear Mama, I love you and I miss you dearly. I want to wish you a Happy Mothers day in Heaven. My greatest gift would be reunited with you because I miss your sweet smile, your soft laugh and you kind words of wisdom. I recall those early mornings when I would wake up and do my long run in the morning dew of San Diego.. You would always say , Go to sleep son.. Its too early.. but like you mama, it was something I loved to do. Those days I feel energized by the run.. But every morning i would hug and kiss you on the cheek .. Gosh , ma, I really miss you so much. There are times I'm alone and I hear a certain song like the Commodores ' three times a lady'  ..we had a special bond mama.. and I really miss having you in my life.. We would talk about how you would spoil my kids and that your working hard for them. We both are or were worriers, we wanted the best for our family and friends.. We both over thought things and at times , we were misunderstood and we confused our close family and friends.. yea. we were sensitive,, maybe too much ma.. Thats why you left this earth at such a young age. You put yourself though so much stress. Well .. I know your heavy drinking for years didnt help your heart , plus I didnt try to stop,, in fact I encouraged it and I drank with you. 
  That's why I think I felt guilty , I felt it was my fault you left this earth. I know thats a heavy burden to place on anyone, but its the way I felt.. I mean.. I should of restrained you .. But thats when love gets uncontrollable. I wanted to make you happy.. !!Ha. I remember you didnt like any of the girls I brought home.. Too wild, too wild, not loving enough. You would say I dont like the vibe I feel from those girls.. ha. Ma.. NO one was good enough for your son. I know you thought the world of me and believe me , ma I wanted to be that choir boy you dreamed about. 
  All I know.. you spoiled me like crazy , whatever I wanted you gave it to me. Brand new clothes , shoes , stereos, a New Car and truck. Yea.. you did so much from me. . There  isn't enough words to say how much I appreciate what you did for me. The times i went through heart breaks. You always told me, don't treat women bad. Like be honest , even it breaks their hearts or what? Gosh, I know you wanted to protect me from pain. But I realize ma, everyone including your son, has to live life and be ready for all challenges, its the only way to learn about life. But you were so protective of me. That's why I love you so much and I miss you dearly. I have been heart broken so many times, that I cant even count.. Maybe because I'm like you , I believe people are good and have good intentions , but I fould out some girls just want to have fun... Some girls jsut want validation , they want ego boosts and after they get their fill, they're ok to play with your emotions.. If anything all those pains I felt and still feel with family and friends, just made me stronger. I know that Im a sweet , kind and caring person and those friends that know me feel treasured to have a friend like me.. 
  Mama, I miss those memories .. when we would go eat breakfast at Jack in the box.. it was the same damn meal.. But it was just time spent with you. I know when I started dating, you would say , let the girl chase you. haha. Your so right ma,, if a girl really wants you , they will pursue , not the other way around., all I know I have been with alot of ladies and I havent found anyone to match you ? . How can any girl , compare to you.? It was a unfair and useless tasking. But i did try mama, and I feel I met her ..My wife Mona, who loved you so much, and the day you passed away, is still the most depressing and heart breaking day of my life. 
    It changed my life forever because it happened during the holiday seasons. When that time of the year comes around I had or still do pretend to be happy.. Its funny. even my closest friends thought I handled your passing with grace and honor. Yes , in public , but in private, I cry my eyes out knowing your physical prescence is gone. Mona , reminds me of you , in that she loves me and accepts me for what I am.. ? Which is a sensitive caring person with anger issues and insecure at times. I need validation . Thats why I have freinds that feed my ego , or atleast keep me grounded.. That true friends tell the truth , even it hurts me. Thats why I love the friends  I have.. Best friend Joe since grade school , Tony from the Navy days.. and ...mee..friendsforlife. that has gave me kind words and encouragement and above acceptance for what I am. If anything this friend reminds me alot like you too. Generous , tough , and well liked and just a chill person to be with. All I know its true that your friends are gifts from God. Even though we may not talk everyday , or even think about each other , we know we are just a phone call away from feeling good , feeling  validated , feeling wanted. Just like you made me feel ma.. It took 4 people .. with their distinct perosnalities to match you.. thats how special you are and I know ,, Some day .. We will be reunited and enjoy those great times we had talking and laughing and making fun of each other.. 
   Happy Mothers day , Mama and I really love you and miss you very dearly.. Your son hasnt forgotten you and thinks about all the wonderful things we shared and did together and even though it was a short time frame we spent together. Those times are forever embedded in my heart and soul and that your spirit lives with me thats why so many people that meet me, feel a connection , an attraction. Because like you mama, your spirit was special, its wonderful and I know a long as I live on this earth , I will honor your life , by being like you.. 
  Sweet, kind , generous ,thoughtful and caring and mostly just having that loving spirit . that wanted everyone to be happy. Be proud mama, your son is taking care of his family , friends .. and of course himself.. 
                                                                                      love always your son,, Mel..

THE SOURCE PRODUCTIONS @2020