WHO AM I? INSPIRED BY LIFE..

WHO AM I ? INSPIRED BY LIFE..

   First of all I want to thank the many people from places like Thailand, Guam , Hawaai , Russia , who somehow , some way get to read MY  world wide blog.. I appreciate the view hits, over 32,000 since 2010,, !!
  Now to the blog, I know I can have a dual personality , where I can be sweet loving and care free , that the sensitive guy who was raised by his grandma and mama.. You know when you spend a majority of tine around women , your gonna have female qualities? Like be very emotional , be very sensitive to things. You tend to care for women as people,, Then you have the dad's side , where I grew up alpha male high tester one , kill or be killed mentality  where you want something you take it,, Its like fighting,,if you want to win, you have to take the fight, not be afraid of getting hit or injured? How can anyone have 2 strong personalities .. like that and coexist? To be honest its not easy, I have battled this for years all my life.. its like when I'm with men, I become what  men are,, if they are hungry girl chasing men,, I'm that  if I'm around women,, I become like a women,, perhaps the reason I have so many female Friends,, they like me as a friend so to speak,, but respect me too much to make out/ I mean who wants to make out with a guy that is respective,, its like your with a priest or something, well that's what one girl told me many years ago,, I feel like your this King , with royalty , and have this superior attitude and put women on a pedestal,, when most or alot of girls just want to get screwed.. funny how you think women want certain things but you show them another side? Its my issues it seems I'm too old fashioned, I mean I still trip out whelm girls ask me out or hit on me? I say what the hell I'm supposed to be the one But its a different age now, Women know what they want or don't want? i need to get with the program huh,, 
 Well My alpha male side is a wild man, doesn't care what people think, he does whatever and if it hurts you,, who gives a flying fuck,, That side of me is whats winning right now, I mean , It seems it comes out when I work out alot and hang with alpha males.. I get the feeling of I'm the King.. If you work out  constantly,, you get this euphoria, the endorphins,, and for  me. Its a dangerous drug. I have been lifting weights and boxing again,, those motions,, and getting my muscle to do it again,, has also got my emotions and mind hyped up,, I know being middle aged and nearing the twilight of his life, how can you get hyped out? Well that's the fountain of youth. is, think young act young and take care of your body When you do those things your actions follow suit. but I know father time is marching on and one day I wont be able to do the things i used to do  in 20's , 30's , 40's. Hell it seems very day is a struggle to get up and go,, I mean the joints creak, the pains in my feet and arms are a daily grind, But stretching helps, I do it every day and night, Keeping you body limber is important, the same gos with the mind,, I listen to al kinds of music an watch al kinds of shows and movies, I expose myself to everything and everyone, I still love talking to young people,, I mean, Some young people don't think I'm that old,, I surprise everyone, But I know Mother nature and father time is just waiting and I will have to submit to the ravages of time and just the wear and tear of life,, Mid life crisis, you bet, I'm trying to hold on to every inch of y youth, that's why I watch my diet , I exercise , I use beauty cremes I take vitamins, and rest as much as I can. Its a great recipe for staying and looking young. But having this proud and loud sensitive man, its hard to figure him out.. Because he can lash out over the littlest of things like . getting upset with people who tell him why did you do that? because it as there and besides.. who are you to judge me when I used to,, buy treats well over 30-40 bucks a week, But that's a done deal,, That place wont have to worry about me buying treats or eating treats from them anymore, I mean. who am I to try to steal their thing, I'm only a guest,, or temp worker,?I forgot that!! but now I realize y place with those people at work.. Don't worry girls, you will never see me do that again , or buy treats for work,, I now know my place at work, and that's ok.. Everything happens for a reason.. ? I know that my alpha male personna needed to come out..The alpha male just thinks about work and mission, and doesn't care about cute girls , or flirty ones.. He thinks about the mission at hand,, To be honest I like the in your face ,, take charge guy,, That's really me.. but I have that sweet , loving , caring , almost woman like guy that thinks about others more than himself,, The pleaser,, that's the one that spreads joy and laughter and at times gets unfocused and plays or flirts wit the cute girls , with song and dance and winks and smiles that of course any girl or guy would like, We all love attention and when you have a goof ball cutie giving to you , why not right? But that goof ball is hurting because he tends to open up too much and like the million times before , he gets hurt , he gets misunderstood and his dream world,, Dreamer.. gets screwed, and he is hurt and has to rebuild his heart and ego.. Its been a ongoing cycle since I retired in 2012. I have never found the right place to work or the circle of friends to keep me going. I realize those work friends aren't shit, they are there to keep a job, and if they can, take the one from you, I'm not saying my actions with everyone at work affected things, But I'm sure it didn't help? But its ok. My time at work is ending soon, Maybe one more week, and then I have to look for new work,, Its been fun..I worked there almost 4 month and I have seen so many come and go,, I loved the farewell party for I .. she was a sweetheart, kind like me. she always had a smile and do things for you without question,, Great heart, you don't see women like that anymore,, Most girls today are looking for what can I get out of this dude? am I right ? Or maybe I'm stereotyping too much. But it seems today's women are concerned about attending to their needs its the me , myself,, and I generation, but that's life,,everything goes in cycles,, Like the loves of your life I know I thought the girls and guys I had friendships, I thought they would last forever, but people come and go, some stay forever like my best friend joe, I mean we have been apart of years, out of touch,, but once we start talking , its like nothing changed,, He is truly a best friend who has advise me so much about life and the women.. he tells me, you have such a big ego,, if you could marry yourself you woulds,, ant that the truth? But anyways,, True friends are hard to find, now that Found another friend Greg. who is a brother from another mother, he has been a life saver,, we laugh and joke and sing at work, all day long .. I know the workers think we are gay or crazy,, but its the military thing, we find pleasure ,, in comforting one another. Its the warriors code, never leave brother home, in need we turn to our brothers.  Thus the alpha male personality is winning. I'm loving sports and I'm getting my son ready for play some high school football in socal Lake Elsinore Tigers,, I'm excited for him,, Hes a small but powerful and fast and extremely smart football player. hes my idol and look for those blogs bragging about his game day antics.. 
   Ok.. I just want to say the sensitive side , has been writing a lot of blogs about twin flames , friendships, etc.. and very passionate and gut wrenching. I see I need to have a balance , like the Chinese yin and yang,, I need balance in my personality, something my twin flame,, has been trying to teach me. But I know I have shown that arrogant , prideful , mean , uncaring selfish bastard that just cares about his needs I know it not a pretty sight to see, but its my personality and perhaps why I have had hundreds of girls in my life,, Yea,, starting since grade school middle school high school and college. I have the ability to attract girls at clubs party's etc. but after that I get bored , I get anxious , I like the homey moon phase , I'm addicted to that feeling , that euphoria, and when it runs dry,, on to the next? sad .. huh,, But its like a addict , they need that fix and that's my addiction I always want that attention , I need the feeding of my ego, even though the women that usually do that also want that in return.. But I know time is marching on and I want to learn from my mistakes and issues , but its the fight between the Good Guy vs the Bad Guy.. and its tiring? Who am I? I'm this sensitive ,prideful guy that likes attention and enjoys performing for people and wants it and craves it even though others may be offended and tired of it. I know work should be work and your off time is the time to deal with personal life. I'm learning , and I now know I will learn to just to do my job and just let things go by. Build relationships and friendships through your deeds for them and take time to take care of business and your co workers. Having peace and harmony at work is so important. You don't have to be friends with everyone, but you can respect everyone... Even the ones that hurt you. I should heed my advice , but its hard sometimes to do what you write into real life. Because real life is challenging , to talk to someone about anything , is scary, I know I have issues with that with my relationships in my life. But a a true real man does that.Takes charge and make decisions. I have been battling depression for years because of leaving a career I loved it has affected every aspect of my life.. But its time to recover and show who I am? Which is a sensitive , proud , and caring person that needs to have balance in his persona and don't bottle things up  and then explode,, ?I need to change that , I know I do it , but I need to take actions as well as all of you that have problems facing problems in your. Its not easy but when you take care of issues before they get pent up weill save your relationships , friendships  marriage etc.. Take note , Don't go to bed mad. It will drive you crazy and don't let issues with friends and family tear at you, Life is so short.. Be happy . Have a great night and always take care of your self and work at being a better everything!!
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