What saved me from deep depression? Inspired by Life..

What saved me from Deep depression ? Inspired by life..\\

 First of off no one is immune from depression or crisis in life,, For many of us when we reach that age,, Mid -life they feel they have their last hurrah left in life.. 

We try our best to stay young looking , we use all the creams and lotions, we take the vitamins and enhancement pills , we look for the best drinks and foods to keep us strong alive . WE are fighting father time. Every  gray hairs , we get scared, we color our hair, or keep it short on the sides, the sight of looking old scares us,, So we read the latest and greatest articles to look and feel young To look young is one thing,, To feel young is more important. I mean I have aching joints, my arms hurt , my feet , my knees , those many years running in boots on the street or concrete,, I mean my knees creak, for Gods sake,, But we carry on.. But the best indicator for staying young is thinking young,, acting young,, I mean.. The mind controls everything.. if you act young,, you got it so to speak, but you know its funny when you get to the mid life stage in life, you remember high school events , like running track or listening to songs that you grew up with, More than anything,, those childhood memories are the best.. why? Because we were young and free and life back in the days were simpler,, I mean we had garage parties, we had large PARTIES  at beaches with bon fires or at parks , chilling and pop locking. remember those days,, Its the music back in the day too,, It was pure , it was authentic it was my time.. You know having those fond memories is what makes me happy.. To be truly happy , you have to like yourself, and for me,, I realized that My personality is something else,, I found someone that showed me that my personality is beautiful , the singing , the dancing , the jokes, the stories , its all of me,. and I want to thank him for that. Because before meeting my brother from another mother.. Greg Ferrer, we just clicked.. I know that sounds gay, its sounds sexual,, but what we have is something special.. I mean we have two combat - veterans that saw the horrors of war the horrors that made navy and marines die for this country.. To us , dying for this country , that's no greater honor.. But because we seen those horrors,, when we met we just clicked,, we like the same music , the same movies, the same jokes,, the same girls,, haha,, but we do share similar likes,, one thing is for sure , we do love women,, to us a women is supposed to compliment us.. We look at women as Queens in our life. I know his Girl.. I adore her because she doesn't get into gossip or like to advise people about things. She Will let you know how she feels, I mean the first time I met her , I said wow.. this lady is special. She is pretty and confident, not cocky , but she is also humble and doesn't show off. Even though she is sexy,, haha. But anyways, she has advised me , go figure I'm older than her , but she advises me what girls to stay away from . but being hard headed and stubborn,, I go after the girls,, that feed my ego,, Like MY best friend Jo says.. If you  ever find a girl that is like you,, your going to grab her and marry her.. Man.. is he so right? Yea, I mean I have been with alot of women in my life, the quiet ones, the wild ones , the arrogant ones, the ugly ones, the brainy ones, that stuck up ones , the dreamers , they loud mouths, the show offs, the mirrors of me.. Hmm. Have I found the one? Does anyone fit my needs and wants.. Maybe ,, the one you least think , is the one that belong to you,, But then again,, I feel Love takes time to develop, it happens over time, and when you capture a mans or woman heart,, that a wonderful feeling and rare.. You know what I mean..But back to the blog. Greg has been a life saver, like the day I was so stressed out i turned to him,, I know that's sounds gay, didn't you have a girl to turn to,. Yes, I did,, and perhaps when I think back I should of turned to her.. But whats cool about my female friend is that she lets me do my thing, I mean I'm a loner , I'm a dreamer ,I'm a show off ,I'm a out cast . I'm CNN , I'm the joker, the teaser, the pleaser , the singer , the dancer , the life of the party,,wow. like I said very few women can deal with me... I mean at first glance..I'm fun to be with, one night stands,, yea, my early days, I never had a true girl friend I was too wild, i was to care free,, I was like this beatnik? I'm a wanderer and to be honest I think I will always be a wanderer , a loner , a lost soul. Does that make sense, I feel like I belong to the world,, ? I mean I like meeting people, Men and women,, I like to See people laugh and smile,, and often times I know I'm so misunderstood, I mean I had one night stands before I got married merely by being myself,, Crazy to have sex to easy,, I mean back i the day Girls would give it up. and being young dumb and horny,, I went for it, I thank God I never got Aids , like MY cousins,, That did scare me . or kinda of.. I mean.. I kept on going..I was a very lonely guy, I mean i would go to night clubs, get that hook up and move on to the next. I yearned for a true relationship, In high school , college etc. It never happened,, well until College I thought I found my love of my life,, She was cute sexy , crazy like me.She challenge me to out do her,, either dancing , or what, I recall at a club, we both did a lap dance to one another and it was crazy.. She won, but I wasn't bad I think But I was  120 lbs, and skinny , with long hair,, I bet I looked like a chick,, its funny, we both looked good but,, she broke my heart ,, by stating or announcing she was lesbian. yeah,, what the hell. after 6 years together now you fucken tell me. Yea.. I called her every freaking dirty word in the book and more, I mean how can you pretend or play with oes emotions, especially I wanted to marry her, I mean, we were like twins, we liked the same music, the same movies, we dressed alike, well you know what I mean, we just looked, I mean no one could ot drink u? Or out dance us.. But her Revelation killed me and it still does,, because she lied about everything, I was lied too,, so.. After that I went into deep depression, ? Thoughts of suicide, you bet.. no attempts, but like I said what a shot to the ego,, It ws too much to handle for a young man, But after years of one night stands and hurting as many women i could touch.. I thought that was my pay back, But i realize it has haunted me, especially when I have seen some of them around town . I mean , I had girls come up to me and say remember me> I would say I 'm sorry I dint,, Man,, I have et so many people boys and girls that said I know you , but I cant recall? Isn't that a trip,, But its true, but like anything in life you move on. 
Like now, I'm thankful to God , that I found a brother from another mother , that has shown me, that despite the pain and misery I have dealt with or dealing with.. I still have faith in people. I mean that's me.I like to see people smile, like I said I have the gift of gab. When you meet me, I make you feel like I;m your best friend, I don't hold anything back.Maybe that's why so many people have loved me and cried when i left schools , or commands in the navy, My God, I would have grown men and women. cry . the gift of acting the gift of displaying true emotions,, to those classmate's and shipmates I shared many happy times., like singing and dancing when prompted.. I mean I was so easily tempted to sing and dance for my classmates and shipmates. Yeah,, I'm that frustrated actor, comedian. But I realize God Had different times. He wants me to touch as many people possible by being very sociable and being approachable and enjoyable, I feel like I'm supposed to share my love and happiness to as many people as possible. ? That's why I have had so many connections with women and Men.. I mean , when I talk to people I pay attention , make eye contact and make you feel like your the most important thing in my life, Which for me, if I'm in your life you are very special to me and enjoy it.. I know alot of women were offended when  I would talk to them and then you see me doing the same thing to another girl,, that's why I never had a steady girl growing up. ? Lonely guy , even though I could talk to any girl I wanted, smart,, jock , cheerleader, etc. I was able to connect with anyone? But I realize its my personality and by trying to be normal? Its not possible, I have to be me and for those at my work space,, they are enjoying me.. But I know I'm only a temporary worker and when it ends ....?/ Its gonna be a sad day, but I want everyone there to know I never wanted to hurt anyone or make them feel uncomfortable. I just wanted work to be special during break times , lunch time. or farewell luncheons. I know the slam books and words of encouragement..are memories I will always cherish, the jokes and the songs I sang to the guys and girls will always be special. The friendships I made with greg,, Ricardo , Roger , Brian and Gus, ad even Richard will be always cherished,, the many things I observed about them is funny. And of course the Girls. Traci.. Britney , Carmen.. and my true dear friend Benz.. the connections I made with them , I know they will never forget me. Even when I have to leave and go on to my next assignment.  God I hate good byes,, But if prompted , and given a chance I will thank everyone for making me feel welcome , because for the past 3 months,, This has been Home and the though its only be a short time, I feel like I developed a strong bond that will be cherished  for the rest of their lives. Because its my destiny , its my fate to reach out to as many people and touch them with laughter, song or dance.. and because of those moments .I know when they feel stressed or down,, Just think of Mele Mel and his world that he brought to work every single day. Like I said, before coming to this assignment I was in a depressed mood and looking for a new direction,, and for the past 3 months.. It has been " Heaven..' . its so hard to walk away from this place Quit for a day? But I couldn't stay away,,, and now that's its coming to an end, Each day has been fun , but it also sad because the end is near. I do pray that they will find a position for me in the warehouse, because I do enjoy working with my buddy Greg.. Together when we work, it feels like play time. Time flies by.. But  I also know it must make him sad his buddy is leaving. I will miss him and that place , it will always carry a special place in my heart, just like everyone I touched. Like I said everyone touched and helped me to fight the depression I felt. You know when you touch people you don't have to hear them say they like you or love. You can see it in their eyes when you greet them or when they see you.. Making people happy is what I am,, The Pleaser! is what Traci labeled me.. along with Clown, joker, simger , dancer,, hmm..whatever right. I will have fond memories and I fought the deep depression , that haunting me for years, I believe everyone needs inspiration ad motivation and I found it with my friendships developed.. right? I know I'm leaving someone out, but whats the saying you save the best for last..Well to my twin .. The one that made me realize I have alot to offer , my skills in dealing with people and bringing people together is a rare quality, I like to make people feel like they are special. Because they are. My dear friend made me feel loved , made me feel respected , made me feel wanted , made me inspire everyone to be happy, like the days when I didn't feel good, she would cheer me up,, not because she felt like because she wanted to, because I always wanted to make her smile and happy too, That's true friend when they do things without prompting, they do because they want to , they know their actions will be appreciated and returned.. All I know is that wherever I go and whatever we achieve in our lives, I know the moment we shared will be the happiest moments in our lives. I want to fill people with happy thoughts because the world is dangerous and depressing place at times,, But Melie Ville is a dream like state where happiness prevails and sadness and stress doesn't exist.. It hasn't be the best life, but knowing that I have found special friends that I truly believe are my friends for life.. Like I said I tried to quit , I tried to walk away from  my twins Greg and Benz, and I couldn't do it!! Why? Simple I love and respect how both of them have accepted me as I am'.. faults and issues and developed a solid foundation of trust and love that can be duplicated or imitated.. If nothing else I learned to be happy and share with everyone I meet, because its what God wants for his children, We are children of God ,, and I pray that the hate that exist in the world,, will end, because I have seen to much hate , death and destruction. Its time to make Love not War. Yeah,, through it all I fought the deep depression and realize that life is fleeting and we must be happy with what we have and don't be afraid to love even of it means.. taking a chance, Life is risk, you never know whats in store..? zBut I'm happy I found a place I called home for the past 3 months and my dear friends I found will always be a part of my life because life is so wonderful when you find special people.. in your life. I thank God. for for bringing them into my life!! May they find happiness and joy and I'm a part of their journeys in their life..
THE SOURCE PRODUCTIONS @2017